Why This Straight Mama Needs A Wife

This straight mama needs a wife. Or a clone.

I was so ready for summer to be over and to be back in a routine. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans! Yup. When school started back up, my life kicked into high gear (a.k.a it’s out of control). The feeling of too much at once is the story of my life and sometimes I just need a little help.

My husband is super busy with work and is rarely home. So being the “It Girl” all the time can take its toll.

I’m sure you can relate but just in case you were wondering, a typical day this past week went a little something like this:

I woke up and never even thought to look in the mirror because I was too busy making breakfast, signing last minute papers and putting out whatever fire the morning seemed to bring. You would think after all these years I would have it down like clockwork but things always seem crazier than the day before. Rushing to the garage, spilling coffee all over, I realized that I forgot to write a note about the homework we didn’t understand. When I say “we” I really mean me. You would think being an adult with an MBA and having given birth to two children, I could figure out a fourth grader’s homework. Yeah – you would think.

So back up the stairs I went to get paper to write the note. Worried about being late, I got back in the car and quickly pulled away. I fumbled around at a stop light and realized I had no pen. We got to school with one minute to spare. So, I booted my kid out of the car while it was still pretty much rolling. With the crayon-written letter in hand, my daughter waved goodbye. Phew! Mission one accomplished.

I won’t bore you with all the details of my day before heading back to school but it involved finally looking in the mirror and being mortified, doing 7 loads of laundry, being harassed by my bored dog and replying to about 20 emails from school that were sent since I dropped off that morning. Oh did I mention that I also did 7 loads of laundry?

So back to school I went to pick up my daughter and her play date. I “helped” with homework which I didn’t understand again, made dinner, folded laundry, dropped her friend off, attended a mandatory meeting for my older daughter, did more work from home, signed more papers, took a shower and laid out clothes for the next day.

By the time I sat down on the couch I was so tired, I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to enjoy whatever ridiculous show was recorded. At that point my eyes shot open. I realized I forgot to make lunches. Noooooo! For some strange reason, making lunches is the bane of my existence. I reluctantly mustered just enough energy to slap some peanut and jelly on bread. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks:



If I could just clone myself. You know, if I had another ME to get things done, I would be set. I would actually have time to look in the mirror, work, respond to emails, walk the dog and actually enjoy my life more. Yes –  I need a wife!

No disrespect to my wonderful husband but who else could juggle forty things at once, manage multiple calendars, drop off, pick up, stop random arguing, fold laundry with their eyes closed and wipe runny noses all while making it look easy? A wife! And damn it – I need one NOW!

For the record, I can’t take all the credit for this stellar idea. A friend of mine who works, has five kids, a husband, a dog and a schedule that won’t quit, introduced me to the concept of needing a wife. In her case though, she needs two!


Joelene Wolfe

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