Forget the Registry. What a New Mom Actually Needs
Ah, the baby registry. It gave me such anxiety as a first-time mom. What did I really need? What should I spend the big bucks on and where could I save money? Do I really need to register for every little thing or will my friends think that’s greedy? You see, before kids, I had no idea what a new mom actually needs. Turns out, most of it isn’t going to be on a registry.
Granny Panties. Her ass will never be the same size again. Her vagina will be leaking for weeks. Buy her some largish (but maybe still cute) panties so she doesn’t have to worry about ruining all of hers. If you really want to be helpful, throw in a package of these babies. At least now they come in white AND black.
Trust me, she’ll use them.
Breast pads and nipple cream. Seem a little personal? Maybe, but I’ve never met a new mom who said breastfeeding was easy and pain free. (And I’m a big proponent of breastfeeding myself!) She’ll need pads to stop leaks and she’ll be glad for the nipple cream when it feels like glass shards are passing through her boobs.
Advil. Some kind of over-the-counter pain reliever. Not just for after giving birth, but basically for the rest of motherhood. You’ll always have aches, pains, and a headache. Sometimes all at the same time. Maybe throw in some Tums while you’re at it. Once she gets that first daycare bill, she may experience heartburn.
Ben-gay. Or something similar. You’ll get all kinds of kinks in your neck and shoulders from baby-wearing, baby car seat carrying, and generally getting stuck under a sleeping baby.
Hemorrhoid Pads.Show me a pregnant woman without hemorrhoids and I’ll show you one lucky b*tch. They often last past delivery. Even if she doesn’t have hemorrhoids, she’ll have a swollen and sore whohaha and you can use hemorrhoid pads to soothe it. Trust me.
A flask… I mean bracelet. Just wait until you are stuck at a PTA meeting where two groups of parents are arguing over what theme the annual fundraiser should be. You’re going to need a drink.
Something just for mom. Babies really don’t need much. They grow out of those cute little outfits in days and would rather play with a box than an actual toy. The whole world is a gift to a new baby. MOM is the one who could use a little prize to commemorate her new phase of life. So get her gift certificate for a massage, a pound of chocolate, or a really, really soft cashmere sweater to hide her muffin top. She’ll be eternally grateful.