Saying NO to Kids | From the DadCave: ‘No’ is My Love Language
Guest post from Developing Dad.
I am spending the summer home with my sons. They are 5 and 7. I fully appreciate the unencumbered, freewheeling imagination of these bright young boys. I do. I say this as a disclaimer to be applied to what might be considered a hurtful thing to say did you not know how truly enamored and impressed I am with these children. They are the apple of my eye and the light of my life.
They are also the progenitors of the largest private collection of horribly conceived ideas I’ve ever come across. The tonnage alone makes their collection impressive. I am the sole arbiter of these ideas. I am the judge and jury and I can tell you, I could shout ‘NO!’ at the outset of any question beginning, ‘Daddy can I…’ and I’d feel justified and correct in my response 99 times out of100.
Being a good person and modeling the patience I wish them to possess I listen fully to most of these proposals. Here’s a small sample of things I’ve said no to this summer.
‘Daddy, can we bring the hose into the trampoline?’
‘Daddy, can I walk to the store alone?’
‘Daddy, can Charlie drive me to Grandma’s house and you and mommy stay here?’
‘Daddy. Can you open my window so we can jump down to the top of the umbrella on the deck?’
‘Daddy, can we go by ourselves out to stop strangers with dogs to pet them, right by the road, around the corner where you can’t see us and ask them if they have candy and if they would take us for a ride in their windowless van?’
Okay, that last one wasn’t asked, the 5 year old just did it. Granted, it was just the petting strangers dogs around the corner part, but any decent parent fills in the rest and doesn’t allow them out to the back porch without supervision once they are reminded of the total lack of common sense possessed by a five year old.
These are the times when they think to ask. Other times it’s just luck that I caught them in the act.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask incredulous.
‘I’m putting sunscreen on my tongue.’
Saying no to my kids was once a hobby. After this summer, seeing the decisions they’d make without me, I have come to think of saying no to my kids more as a passion. It is what I need to do, sure, but it is also what I love to do.
Besides, saying no to trying Fortnite in order to preserve my mental health is so much easier when it is part of a larger milieu.
Joe Medler is a husband, father, son, and brother who muses on DevelopingDad.com about parenthood, marriage, his children, and his life. He has been featured on Scary Mommy, Sammiches & Psych Meds, MamaLode and is a columnist at The Good Men Project. You can buy his collection of humorous and heartfelt essays, ‘Notes from a Developing Dad’ on Amazon.