NOT Safe for Kids! Santa’s Wife | Mrs. Claus Parody Video
This time of year, Santa is getting all the press. But if Santa’s wife is like most of us, she’s probably doing at least half the work! Can you imagine being Santa’s wife? What do you know about the woman behind the man? Check out my brand-new video about what it would be like to be married to Santa.
I started out with all kinds of G-rated cute jokes for this video. But somehow, as I was shooting, my mind kept going THERE. So don’t watch this one in front of the kids!
Santa’s Wife NEW VIDEO
Imagine dating Santa. When he comes to pick you up for your first date, you are watching for a car. But what arrives instead is a full-out winter sleigh… pulled by reindeer! What do you even wear for a date on a sleigh? It’s freezing!
And his friends…. why is this older dude hanging out with all these elves? Am I missing something?
He really only works one day a year. For the other 364, he’s laying around, getting in the way, watching Pawn Stars and eating too many Christmas cookies.
Speaking of laying around and eating cookies, it’s impossible to get the guy to exercise or eat healthy. He considers his tummy like a bowl full of jelly, “part of his image.”
The beard, too, is “part of the image.” But it’s so scratchy and wooly!
For Valentine’s Day, he gave me a nightie covered in jingle bells.
His idea of “mood music” is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
Remember the SNL skit, “Dick in a Box.” He LOVED that skit….
He hung mistletoe about our bed.
Forget about date night. You can’t take him anywhere. People recognize you. “Hey, look! It’s Santa and Santa’s wife!” (I have a name!!) And then they want his autography and a selfie and to sit on his lap…
In fact, women line up to sit on his lap!
And do you know how hard it is to find parking for a sleigh??
If I get even a little bit emotional, he says, “You’d better watch out. You’d better not cry.”
You can’t argue with the guy! He think he’s a saint.
Every time I complain, he tells me I’m being a NUTCRACKER.
His favorite aphrodisiac is eggnog. I’m lactose intolerant!
If he asks one more misfit toy to come live with us… Grrr…
I told him I needed a new car. He got me another reindeer!
I told him the dining room chandelier was too dim and he brought in Rudolph!
Do you know how cold it is in the North Pole? All of our friends are retiring to Florida. Not us. Nope. Can’t we go just a little farther South? Northern Canada maybe?
His belly just keeps on getting jigglier and jigglier. Soon he won’t even be able to find “it.”
When we first met, he was great in the sack. Now, he’s so busy working ON his sack, that I can’t get him IN the sack.
If you liked this video, you’ll love “P*rn for Moms” and “Mothering Baby Jesus.”
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