Real Mom Confessions… Revealed!

Our theme on MomCave LIVE this week was real mom confessions. We asked viewers to send in their own.. and we struck mom comedy gold! Read their confessions of their mom secrets, shortcuts, and funny moments below. And if you missed the live show, which was inspired by Bianca Jamotte’s web series, “Real Mommy Confessions”, watch it here or at the bottom of this post.

And now, here are our confessions… (Shhh… we won’t tell if you won’t. What happens in the MomCave, STAYS in the MomCave.)

Real Mom Confessions

There are three women at the daycare who manage my youngest’s care. They’ve been watching him for over six months and I have absolutely no idea what their names are – and I’m too embarrassed to ask. I stopped keeping track sometime around my first kid’s move to the toddler room (my youngest is my third).LivebySurprise.com

One night when my kid had been SUPER obnoxious, as I was putting him to bed I looked up and said, “shh! What was that?” And then I said, “oh. I thought I heard a noise coming from your closet. I’m sure it was nothing…” I’m gonna burn in hell for that one. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I make my kid stay up way past his bedtime to watch shows like American Horror Story with me, because I’m too afraid to watch them alone. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I told my kid that a “Fly-Swatter man” lived in the kitchen of our favorite family deli and he would come out and spank kids that were being terrible with his fly swatter. Jessica from Herd Management

I think it’s hilarious when my kids learn and sing inappropriate songs from Classic Country… like when the 4-year-old went to school and had to be told to stop singing “Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine” or “Jack Daniels, If you Please… Knock me to my knees” Jessica from Herd Management

I block people’s cars at kindergarten drop off, & I don’t give a fuck. Lea Grover, Becoming SuperMommy

I give my kids frozen peas (to eat frozen). In my defense, that’s how they like them! Jen Simon, Writer

I refuse to listen to “kid music” — my kids listen to what I like. I sing super loud to drown out the inappropriate parts. Harmony Hobbs, Modern Mommy Madness

I sometimes eat the fun snacks that are supposed to be for my kindergartner’s school lunch and then when he gets mad that he is stuck with all healthy stuff, I lie and say, “Uh oh, looks like dad got the midnight munchies again.” My husband has no idea. Sarah Cotrell Housewife Plus

I have my 9-year-old help her little siblings get their cereal in the morning so I can lay in bed for 10 extra minutes. Jessica Cobb, Domestic Pirate

I boycotted laundry for 10 days because chores weren’t being done. I didn’t tell them just stopped. And it was glorious. (Now my mom is coming and I’m in overdrive but I taught the 8 and 10 yr olds how to run the washing machine and dryer – which was the intended outcome all along!) Joy Hedding, Evil Joy Speaks

I tell my kids we’re out of bread so that I don’t have to pack lunches. Jennifer Ordat, Writer

I “borrow” money from my kid’s piggy bank when I need cash for something, and I never remember to pay him back. Mandi Castle

My son learned the “f” bomb from me and I’m secretly delighted when he uses it in the correct context. (Hey, thousands of dollars of speech therapy later. This is quite the achievement.) Eileen, Autism with a Side of Fries

I tell my kids the cookies are rotten when there are only two left so that I can enjoy that baked goodness when they go to bed. Jennifer Lizza, Outsmarted Mommy

I put my kids to bed early on The Bachelor nights. Julia Star Arnold from Frantic Mama

When my husband is out of town, I put the kids to bed wearing their school clothes for the next day, and I have them sleep on the downstairs couch. Beth Teliho, author of Order of Seven

I told my son that those pre-made Friendly’s Reeses Cup Sundaes were only for pregnant ladies. Jennifer Weedon Palazzo, MomCave

Some nights, I tell my son it’s bedtime an hour and a half before. He can’t tell time. Jennifer Weedon Palazzo, MomCave

For y-e-a-r-s, my kids believed me when I told them all the goodies at the checkout counters were for dogs. By the time they started reading and recognizing candy names, the jig was up. Beth Teliho, author of Order of Seven

When my kid was three I wanted him off the pacifier. When we went to my cousin’s house to visit his newborn, I told him the baby was crying because he NEEDED that pacifier and my son was supposed to pass it on to the next baby. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I told mine that I could pour a special chemical on their underwear and it would turn purple, which would show me who had been cutting the nasty disgusting farts they had been gagging me with on one faithful car trip. Jessica from Herd Management

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Jen

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo is the creator/writer/and producer of Mom Cave TV, an online network of comedy shows for moms including Slummy Mummy, Double Leche, Blabbermom, and MomCave LIVE. She's a working actress in NYC who has appeared in films, commercials, and some very off-off Broadway plays. When she’s not writing about the funny side of being a mom (for blogs like Scary Mommy and Mamalode) Jennifer can be found eating Reese’s Cups while furiously bidding on vintage clothing on eBay. She lives with her husband, Evan, bandleader of The Hot Sardines and two spirited children.

Real Mom Confessions… Revealed!

Real Mom Confessions

One night when my kid had been SUPER obnoxious, as I was putting him to bed I looked up and said, “shh! What was that?” And then I said, “oh. I thought I heard a noise coming from your closet. I’m sure it was nothing…” I’m gonna burn in hell for that one. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I make my kid stay up way past his bedtime to watch shows like American Horror Story with me, because I’m too afraid to watch them alone. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I told my kid that a “Fly-Swatter man” lived in the kitchen of our favorite family deli and he would come out and spank kids that were being terrible with his fly swatter. Jessica from Herd Management

I block people’s cars at kindergarten drop off, & I don’t give a fuck. Lea Grover, Becoming SuperMommy

I give my kids frozen peas (to eat frozen). In my defense, that’s how they like them! Jen Simon, Writer

I refuse to listen to “kid music” — my kids listen to what I like. I sing super loud to drown out the inappropriate parts. Harmony Hobbs, Modern Mommy Madness

I sometimes eat the fun snacks that are supposed to be for my kindergartner’s school lunch and then when he gets mad that he is stuck with all healthy stuff, I lie and say, “Uh oh, looks like dad got the midnight munchies again.” My husband has no idea. Sarah Cotrell Housewife Plus

I have my 9-year-old help her little siblings get their cereal in the morning so I can lay in bed for 10 extra minutes. Jessica Cobb, Domestic Pirate

I tell my kids we’re out of bread so that I don’t have to pack lunches. Jennifer Ordat, Writer

I “borrow” money from my kid’s piggy bank when I need cash for something, and I never remember to pay him back. Mandi Castle

My son learned the “f” bomb from me and I’m secretly delighted when he uses it in the correct context. (Hey, thousands of dollars of speech therapy later. This is quite the achievement.) Eileen, Autism with a Side of Fries

I tell my kids the cookies are rotten when there are only two left so that I can enjoy that baked goodness when they go to bed. Jennifer Lizza, Outsmarted Mommy

I put my kids to bed early on The Bachelor nights. Julia Star Arnold from Frantic Mama

When my husband is out of town, I put the kids to bed wearing their school clothes for the next day, and I have them sleep on the downstairs couch. Beth Teliho, author of Order of Seven

I told my son that those pre-made Friendly’s Reeses Cup Sundaes were only for pregnant ladies. Jennifer Weedon Palazzo, MomCave

Some nights, I tell my son it’s bedtime an hour and a half before. He can’t tell time. Jennifer Weedon Palazzo, MomCave

For y-e-a-r-s, my kids believed me when I told them all the goodies at the checkout counters were for dogs. By the time they started reading and recognizing candy names, the jig was up. Beth Teliho, author of Order of Seven

When my kid was three I wanted him off the pacifier. When we went to my cousin’s house to visit his newborn, I told him the baby was crying because he NEEDED that pacifier and my son was supposed to pass it on to the next baby. Samara of SamaraSpeaks

I told mine that I could pour a special chemical on their underwear and it would turn purple, which would show me who had been cutting the nasty disgusting farts they had been gagging me with on one faithful car trip. Jessica from Herd Management

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