One Funny Mother, Dena Blizzard | Divorce Lingerie & Becoming My Mother
Did you need a laugh tonight? Then we got you covered with One Funny Mother! In this lighthearted and humorous post, MomCave’s Jennifer Weedon Palazzo and One Funny Mother’s Dena Blizzard share all about motherhood and the funny moments that happened to them.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo and Dena Blizzard share amusing stories and reflections about family and aging. They cover topics such as Valentine’s Day, toe cramps, aging, such as hygiene, bedspreads, the discomfort of pants, and inheriting physical characteristics from their mothers. OH MY! Their conversation is lighthearted and includes personal experiences and jokes they can’t wait to share with you.
One Funny Mother | Dena Blizzard | Mom Cave Live
Dena IS One Funny Mother.
Jen: I’m very excited to have my friend Dena here tonight because it’s more like just a hangout where we can all talk than, you know, an interview because that would be way too serious for us.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, that’s not my speed.
Jen: That’s not her speed at all. If you don’t know Dena, she’s One Funny Mother in all the places, and she is a very funny mother, and the best thing is, I can’t believe you go live every single day. In the morning, right?
Dena Blizzard: I do. With no plan and no content to speak of. And then we just find out what the world wants to talk about in the morning.
Jen: Amazing. I really admire that because I don’t want to talk to anyone in the morning or see anyone in the morning for, like, a long time and my, I’m never like ready. I see you in the morning. Sometimes I see you pop up going live when I’m driving my kids to school. And I’m often still in my pajamas with like, no makeup on and you know…
Dena Blizzard: Not all the time, Jen, not all the time. Well, the funny thing is if there were people here I wouldn’t want to talk to any of those people. But random strangers like on the internet. I’m like, come on in. Let’s have a cup of tea. And let’s just talk about nonsense.
Jen: It’s still much better to just talk to random people on the internet sometimes.
Dena Blizzard: If it was my family. I’d be like get away from me. I saw you yesterday, I don’t want to see you again.
Jen: Oh, every morning it’s like that.
Dena Blizzard: But I loved your topic when you said what we were talking about because last night I was cracking up because we just had Valentine’s Day and so my mom always does like this big Valentine’s dinner where we all get together, and this year was the first year that I made my kids write letters to each other to say how much they loved each other. Which backfired horrendously, and the cards were hilarious. But my mom does this thing, Jen, I asked everybody last night if everybody’s mom does this. Maybe it’s an Italian thing or a Diana thing, but she’ll get any card, whether it’s a birthday card or Valentine’s or whatever, and obviously, they’re already written.
She’ll write Dear Dena, but then she underlined certain words to, I guess emphasize for emphasis, right? She will underline the word, sometimes double underline love, and then there always is an XO, XO at the bottom. So I gave her a card for Valentine’s Day. And I underlined the words, but I only underlined the preposition. No actual love words. You’re the best mom, nothing. It’s just “THE.” You’ve got a lot “of.” She didn’t even mention it. She didn’t even mention it.
Jen: Oh my God, that’s hilarious.
Dena Blizzard: And so when I was talking about it on Tipsy Tuesday last night, she was like “I didn’t even notice!” So that’s the kind of love I offer.
Jen: She was just so happy that you gave her a card and underlined things in it that she didn’t notice really.
Dena Blizzard: And she got bad eyesight so it works in my favor.
Jen: You should have highlighted it!
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, yeah. Well then, Dean, my son gave my mom a card for Valentine’s Day but he wrote it in orange highlighter which is essentially like writing nothing so she was cracking up, we have no idea what the card said but she just loved it and I think that’s what everybody should do to old people, just all their cards moving forward are an orange highlighter.
Jen: Just mess with them basically.
Dena Blizzard: And just upset all the old people.
Jen: They’re upset enough Dena.
Dena Blizzard: I can’t wait. I’m slightly obsessed with becoming my mom. So I don’t know if you saw the video but we were watching the Super Bowl the other day, right we’re watching Super Bowl, very entertaining watching the commercials, very entertaining. Rihanna was about to perform and also very entertaining. But that and yeah, no, it was great.
Well, right in the middle of it, my mom is sitting in her recliner. And her big toe just starts to just contort itself, just start reaching for the sky. And she’s hysterical laughing, “Oh, can I make it stop?” I was like, “What are you laughing at?”, She’s like “my toe, my toe, it’s got a cramp!” And I didn’t understand the whole thing. But if she put her foot down, the toe would go down. But the minute she put the ottoman back up, the toe would just start reaching for this and I was like, at what age does that happen?
Jen: Is that a medical thing? Levitating toe, like is that in the literature?
Dena Blizzard: Apparently a lot of old people say that they get cramps in their toes. And it’s very painful. And I’ll be like, I don’t ever get this. My mom’s like “you never had a toe cramp?” And I go no, I’ve had a leg cramp. Maybe as you get older your body she’s like it won’t cramp up like a whole limb, or a whole foot. We don’t have the energy for this, let’s just do a toe.
Jen: Totally. It’s funny that you mentioned mothers and toes, and we’re talking about becoming our mothers. My mother’s mother, my grandmother. She had these toes. Her toes were like, totally hammertoes I guess they’re called hammertoe? I never knew it was called that. So growing up, I’m just seeing, and she always wore heels no matter what, which is, I think why she had these toes, right? Yeah. And everyone was like, we don’t want to get those toes. We don’t want to get those toes. So I feel like my mom’s toes are a little hammered. Because she does wear a lot of heels. My toes are less hammered. Like maybe by the time my daughter is our age, she’ll have straight toes.
Dena Blizzard: Maybe just over time, it just….a generation…
Jen: Yeah. And that’s I’m hoping that she does not inherit the toe gene. But anyhow, that is just one way that I’m slightly like my mother. I feel like there are so many I can talk about, so many.
Dena Blizzard: I was gonna say I think we’re all like our mother. I found out that my mom only takes her pants off once a day. And if her pants come off, she’s not putting them back on. She’s in for the night. I don’t know when that kicks in. Because if I had jammies on, it would be a hard sell to get me out. But I’m not saying I couldn’t.
Jen: I don’t want to get too personal, and I know your dad is no longer with us. But what did that poor man do? How did that work?
Dena Blizzard: My dad I think he took his pants off once a day too. I think that as you get older as a couple you have to get together and be like how many times are we going to do this?
Jen: The pants, schedule the pants coming off.
Dena Blizzard: My pants are gonna come off at 5:30, If your pants don’t come off till 7:30, there’s a gap and how will we be together?
Jen: Right? We can’t be together in that way, with the pants in the way, so…
Dena Blizzard: No, no, but she gets real mad. My mom gets real mad, old people get mad. Like I do stuff she’s like, “What do you mean you’re going out?” Because she thinks we’re dating now. And I’m seeing other people and she doesn’t know. So I had to tell her I said “I want you to know I’m seeing other people, you should see other people like your friends and go out.”
Jen: Yeah, but she’d have to wear pants for that. So…
Dena Blizzard: But you’d have to have pants on, Jen, and I think a lot of old people take their pants off at five o’clock and then they’re in.
Jen: I take my… okay, when I get home from wherever I have been, the pants that I’m wearing usually come off. Because in my home I’m gonna wear leggings or sweatpants. I’m not going to have my confining pants on.
Dena Blizzard: You have, so you have confining pants and nonconfining pants?
Jen: This is how I’m very like my mother as well. This is one of them because during my entire childhood growing up when we were home she’d be dressed with her pants unbuttoned, just the top button of her jeans was always unbuttoned. What the hell is this? Now I get it. Because it just it’s that last little thing that annoys me, like, life is bad enough.
Dena Blizzard: So you come in and you put your purse down. You put your keys down, and then you unbuckle your pants?
Jen: Well, I change them entirely usually. I mean I’m even worse than her because she just did the unbuttoning, but I’m like I’m not wearing real pants at home.
Yeah, I mean I can’t really walk around naked for several reasons. Besides, you know that I have young children in the house, and their friends are running in and out.
Dena Blizzard: Young children love that.
Jen: My house is like all windows. All glass, so I’m not going to walk around with nothing on.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, I see Kathy Chlan is here. Oh, Kathy, and I would like to know if she takes her pants off. “Am I the only one keeping my pants on?” Here’s the other thing about pants. I was with my girlfriend. And we were staying in a hotel room. We were like on a trip somewhere. Right? So when I go to a hotel room, I don’t like to sit on the bed. I don’t like to touch the bedspread. I will pull down the bed, and I will sit on the sheets. I’m almost positive they wash the sheets, but I’m positive that they didn’t wash the…
Jen: They don’t. They don’t do the spread.
Dena Blizzard: So I pull it down, and I sit on sheets. I thought that was a great idea. Well, my girlfriend just about lost her mind. She said what are you doing? I said well, I don’t want to touch the top. She was like you’ve been in those pants all day, and then you just got into your sheets. And I go, okay, she goes, Do you know how many dirty places you sat in those pants? And I go, no, I’m not keeping track of it. She goes well, now you just put all your dirt in your bed.
Jen: You should you should. You really shouldn’t do that, I have the same thing…
Dena Blizzard: Which one I should be more freaked out by I was like well there’s definitely dirt on the bedspread. I brought my own dirt!
Your poop is better than someone else’s.
Jen: Dirt on your pants is your own, so at least you know that .
Dena Blizzard: I could poop my pants and still be better with it than sitting on this bedspread.
Jen: Your poop is better than someone else’s.
Dena Blizzard: Thank you. Thanks. Jen. I don’t know if Kathy would agree.
Jen: Kathy’s our friend who often talks about wearing Depends, so she does talk about that a lot.
Dena Blizzard: Maybe she can relate. There’s a lot of stuff about pants, apparently, as you get older, I never knew.
Jen: There is. Pants are uncomfortable. The bedspread thing, though. I tell my kids this, like, on the weekends when my son’s been staying up late, and he just crashes, and he’ll like go to bed in his clothes. And I think that’s gross. And so I’ve made a rule that he’s not allowed to do that. Because of the same thing as your friend. I’m like, you’ve been outside playing like, I’ve seen you rolling around in the dirt, in the mud and all that, and then you’re going to put that inside your nice clean bed. That’s gross.
Dena Blizzard: I’m with your son.
Jen: So you just do it. You just do the grossness.
Dena Blizzard: Christine just said I don’t like my outside clothes in my bed either. I honestly never thought about it. No, never thought about it.
Jen: What about putting the suitcase on top of the bed? Do you do that?
Dena Blizzard: I will do that.
Jen: Oh my…
Dena Blizzard: I’m the disgusting pig. That’s what I’ve learned from this show so far.
Jen: I’m sorry I’m making… I don’t mean to make you feel bad…
Dena Blizzard: I walk around without pants on. I am dirty and disgusting. That’s what I’ve learned about this show. So far.
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Okay. Oh, and Janice is telling us about her “slingshot.” That’s what she calls a bra that comes off at home. I used to do that. But now I feel like I kind of need that little little bit of support.
Why you need to get a new bra.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah. Yeah. Do you know how many people and I don’t know, I don’t know, I’ve never really asked. But I feel like I know a lot more women who are not getting bras and are just wearing sports bras. And it upsets me.
Jen: It upsets you, huh?
Dena Blizzard: I just said to the girls at work today that we are going to be… Our company will be instituting a policy now. I don’t know if you are, But we have zero policies. We aren’t into policies. However, we are going to have a pretty bra policy. I don’t want to see your nasty sports bra, Stephanie Filipo. I don’t.
Jen: Wow. But for the young people either wear sports bras, or they’re not wearing bras like, they’re in another situation than us.
Dena Blizzard: No. And I have discovered, Jen that this is just personal, that if you get a new bra that you love, and I always try to tell women please switch out your bra at Christmas. Like, make that a present for yourself. You will feel like a new woman.
Jen: It does make you feel really good to have a new bra. Especially when I recently got a new white bra. And then it was in the drawer next to my other white bra. That was old, and it was like the color difference of like the old one had been washed so many times and with other shit because I don’t separate my laundry. I’m terrible that way. And so it was more like grayish than white. It was bad.
Dena Blizzard: But I’ve never had a white bra.
Jen: Yeah, I know it’s very white bread. Very lame.
Dena Blizzard: Why do you have a white bra? What do you wear it under? Because you can’t wear white bras under white?
Jen: So yeah, under white, you have to wear like a new nude bra. I wear it under white-ish things. White things where a black bra would show you’ve never….
Dena Blizzard: I have a nude bra.
Jen: I have a nude bra, too, but I always feel like you need a nude, a white, and a black. Is that not true?
Dena Blizzard: No, I don’t. I have a nude, I have a black, and then I have lots of flowers. I have hearts like I like if you saw what was going on under here. So a lot is happening, but it’s a black shirt, so you can’t tell
Jen: Right, but that makes you feel special. To just know that that’s happening under there.
What’s the deal with the free underwear coupons?
Dena Blizzard: Jen, sometimes like, I just got this new bra. And I kind of want to get hit by a car just so that the EMTs can see how pretty it’s wrong to flash people. Right? That is wrong? But if you were hit by a car, then you can be like, let’s take this top off because this was not cheap.
Jen: Like that’s like life savings.
Dena Blizzard: That’s what I mean, and they’ll be like, ma’am, it looks like you just hurt your foot. I’m like, but let’s take my top off.
Jen: Let’s look at my bra because I spent a lot of money on this.
Dena Blizzard: Because I had a new bra and I had a coupon. And it’s really pretty .
Jen: A coupon…Do you get, do they still do those coupons from Victoria’s Secret where you get in the mail the postcard, and it’s like one free pair of underwear?
Dena Blizzard: Yes, I just got free underwear, Jen.
Jen: I haven’t got one of those and so long, but I used to only like that was the only time I would go to Victoria’s Secret because I didn’t want to buy actual underwear that cost $20 I’m more of a like, you know, Walmart five for $20 kind of girl. But when I got the card, I was gonna get my special underwear.
Dena Blizzard: Now somebody just said oh my god, I’m so weird. All I own are white bras. Really? Uh, you’re a murderer. I don’t know anybody that has a white bra.
Jen: White bras are not Sexy. Let’s just be honest. They’re not. I’m wearing… I’m wearing a white bra right now. Not sexy at all.
Dena Blizzard: Let me see it.
Jen: Just a bra. Just white.
Dena Blizzard: Jen, well, we’re gonna need a little lace or something.
Jen: You know what I–
Dena Blizzard: It’s a policy.
Jen: It’s over. This year. I’ve been married for 20 years. It’s over.
Dena Blizzard: Dina’s here. I bet Dina doesn’t own a white bra.
Jen: Dina Drew and I’ve seen each other’s bras on many occasions because we work together and change clothes all the time. Yeah, and she usually has good bras. I gotta say.
Dena Blizzard: Say all the Denas are on point with our bras. Dena, let’s go for a ride. Getting in a car accident, be like looking at our bras.
Jen: Yeah, totally. Um, well, what about, like, if you started? I know you sell some merch on One Funny Mother. Why don’t you sell bras and you could like write funny things on them.
Dena Blizzard: My neighbor said that to me today. And she was, like, why don’t we sell bras, and I’m like, I can’t get into this is too much. Because there are boob algorithms with letters and numbers. I don’t even know my bra size. So I can’t stock that many things.
Jen: Yeah, it will be a lot of a lot. Too much. We have a question. How do you feel about lingerie?
Dena Blizzard: I just bought some, so some people may know or not, but I’m newly divorced.
Jen: Because that’s when people buy lingerie. See?
Dena Blizzard: I think that, yeah, So what happened? What happened, Jen, is that I got recently divorced. So here’s what I know. When you get divorced, you have to get rid of your marital bed, which I didn’t know those two words went together. But you get rid of your marital bed. You get rid of a bunch of stuff. But you get new underwear and new bras. It’s mandatory. There’s a list that comes in the mail, and it says do not wear your marital underwear. No not even your ex wanted to see it. Nope, do not. So you are made. It’s mandatory that you get new bras and underwear
Jen: It’s like the school supply list that comes at the beginning of the year
Underwear is expensive.
Dena Blizzard: It’s in your divorce gift packet. And we’re not giving you anything. We’re just giving you a list of things. Their marital bed…The marital bed was a big discussion, and I met a lot of people or talk to a lot of people where their marital bed was one of those fancy ones, the adjustable beds. Yeah, they had a hard time.
They were like these are expensive they are, and I was like, gotta go. So um, so while I was getting new bras and underwear they had like on the sale rack in the back. They had like a section that was like reduced reduced reduced, so I know that it was good lingerie, but it was lingerie. It was cheap. But the crazy thing is that I’m you know, I’m by myself at Victoria’s Secret. I’m like, Is this too tight? And I’m like, who you’re going to ask? Normally If I’m in a store….
Jen: There are ladies there, Dena, they like to help you.
Dena Blizzard: But you don’t know how many times I have FaceTimed with Kathy Chlan. I go, Kathy, is this a nice outfit, Kathy? She’s like, take that off. It’s hideous.
Jen: But you can’t do it with lingerie?
Dena Blizzard: Kathy, what do you think?
Jen: I think you can do it.
Dena Blizzard: And then I was like, I just had so many questions. There were just things and all kinds of stuff.
Jen: There’s a lot of straps and things.
Dena Blizzard: So I just, I’m gonna show you this new bra. This is the new bra. Nice, but it’s got this extra strap on it, Jen and I kind of love it. Do you want to see it? All right. Look, you see this one right?
Jen: Oh, that’s very sexy. Oh,
Dena Blizzard: Look at this! You see this lace?
Jen: And EMTs are either really hot or really not hot usually. Depends on who you get.
Dena Blizzard: No. So what happened is, this is what you need to do. If you’re like, I’ve been married a long time. Maybe I need to get out of a sports bra. Maybe I need to step up. You gotta find a divorcee who is out and about to step up your game. So I asked my neighbor Chris. She’d been married too long. I said, You better go out and get yourself some new underwear something that matches. So yesterday we went, and she got the matching red bra and panties.
Jen: Wow, red is… Red…
Dena Blizzard: You are going to be pregnant, and she’s 58, So I don’t know…
Jen: You never know. You never know.
Dena Blizzard: And underwear, mhm?
Jen: We’re talking… we were talking about we turned into our moms and red lingerie. It makes me think of my mom.
Dena Blizzard: I hope my mom is not wearing red lingerie.
Jen: My mom wears red everything. It’s like her signature color. It has been her whole life. She looks great in it.
Dena Blizzard: Are we supposed to have a signature color?
Jen: I know. I don’t have a signature color. My signature color is gray. Yeah.
Dena Blizzard: You’re wearing a pink/red shirt in front of a pink/red banner. Okay, but that’s your signature color. You have one.
Jen: This is the first, okay, I really this is a new top, and I like it. I like the colors because they’re cheerful and happy. But it’s one of the first times I’ve really worn red in my life because my mom always wears red. So it was like, oh, you know how you just rebel? Like, oh, that’s just not no not gonna wear red. But now that I’m getting older, I am. And –
Dena Blizzard: I think it’s a good signature color. Now let me tell you about my mom’s signature color. My mom is very white as a person. She’s a white lady. And she has dark hair, but for whatever reason, Jen, somebody must have told her your signature color is no color. It’s just white. Just white so she would wear like a white jumpsuit, was like a white top with like white pants with white socks and…
Jen: white shoes. Oh no!
Dena Blizzard: And when she did it, she just became a floating head. And we’re like, we can’t even find you like, wait, can you put another color on and if you tell her to put another color on. She puts all the colors on it she, just a giant jingle bell, so she just vacillates between no color and floating head and then multiple colors.
Turning into our moms.
Jen: I’m not big on white sneakers like it’s a thing I just don’t like white sneakers very much
Dena Blizzard: But they’re very in. Did you see Kathy Chlan’s buying all these white booties? Looks cute in them.
Jen: I know she’s all like in style, now I know. I’m just, I know. I don’t like them, and they’re coming back. But it just it seems to me like something our moms would wear. It is, but the young people, you know, it skips a generation whatever.
Dena Blizzard: I love, you know, talking about turning into our moms. I love it, so my daughters are 18 and 20, and when they walk into my house with the pants that they bought at Goodwill and they’re mom jeans. They’re just up to here. I have those pants. They’re there in the back if you want,” and she’s like “you don’t have these pants. These pants are so much cooler.” So like back in 1982, I did have those pants.
Jen: Remember the funny Saturday Night Live sketch for mom jeans? Go look it up. Everybody after this. There was…it was like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, and all of them doing… Rachel Dratch definitely was in it. Doing mom jeans and making fun of it, then of course, now they’re back in, and I have bought a couple of pairs to like try it. Mm-hmm. And it’s um, it’s I can try it if the jeans are tight enough that they’re still kind of skinny jeans, but they just have a high waist, but it’s when they get the baggy jeans which are really in style now. And the mom waist makes me, I don’t know, I just feel like a blob. I have no shape
Dena Blizzard: I feel like it gives you like a giant pooch too, right, but like I didn’t like low jeans right because low jeans came along right when my muffin top came, the pooch goes right over. Yeah, and that was not good. And then we went all the way to the top, and then you just have a giant pooch. Like it needs to be like right in the middle.
Jen: Or just like I said, don’t wear jeans. They’re uncomfortable. It’s gotta go.
Dena Blizzard: I like dirty jeans, and then I roll around in a bed…
Jen: And you are so dirty. Someone just said it was Kristen Wiig and the mom jeans. I’ve kept you here way too long, and I actually hear screaming from upstairs. Oh, yeah. So I’m sure somebody’s mad or hurt or something. But we are turning into our mothers, but I love your mother, who you know I’ve seen her on. So yeah, I love my mother. And they’re, they’re both characters, but it’s not so bad if we turn into them.
Dena Blizzard: That’s what I’m gonna tell my daughters. It won’t be so bad when you do.
Jen: Right now, they’ll hate the idea. So yeah, everybody, go find Dena if you don’t know where she is already she’s at One Funny Mother on all the places she’s very, very funny and she’ll be up and dressed and gorgeous and wearing jeans in the morning when the rest of us aren’t.
Dena Blizzard: That is true, but I’ll also be drunk in bed by seven. It’s a trade-off, Jen.
Jen: Right. Okay, I’m cooler than you at night. Around 11 PM. You’re cooler than me in the morning. Let’s just leave it there. Okay, fair enough, one funny mother.
Okay, thanks, Dena.
Dena Blizzard: See ya
Listen to this episode about Turning Into My Mother, with Guest One Funny Mother, as a podcast here:https://www.buzzsprout.com/1754871/12294314-turning-into-my-mother-dina-blizzard-momcave-live.js?container_id=buzzsprout-player-12294314&player=small
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