To the Mother Who Asked My Kid if Her Parents Were Divorced…

divorced parents


I have no idea if you read my blog/writing or even know it exists and will see this. We’ve never actually met since you’ve only had contact with my ex, and I couldn’t pick you out of a crowd. But my daughter came to your house for a play date for the first time last weekend. When I allow my kids to be anywhere without me, I do so thinking that the adults in charge of them have their best interests in mind. I do so thinking you will do your best to make my kids comfortable. I do so with trust.

So when my daughter came home and replayed the conversation you initiated with her, I was at a loss for words and actually made her repeat it because I couldn’t wrap my head around how another woman, a mother, could be such a heartless moron. In case you forgot, let me recount it for you.

You: “So, are your parents married or divorced?”
My kid: “Ummmmm…divorced.”
You: “OHHHH I’m so sorry!! You must be soooooo upset about that!”
My kid: “No, I’m over it.”
You: “No, I’m sure it’s upsetting. We can talk about it. I can help you!”

Ring a bell?

Before you try to defend your actions, let me shut that down real quick.

– Nice, normal people don’t ask a child the state of their parents’ marriage and they certainly don’t do it purposely when the child is not with their parents, because that’s calculated, predatory behavior.

– You know we are divorced parents. Everybody my kid hangs out with knows we are divorced. Our kids have been friends for a year and I have seen mine FaceTime with yours form my home and I know she’s done the same from her dad’s home. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist.

divorced parents

– You are not our therapist or even a therapist at all for that matter and we certainly don’t need you to talk our child through anything.

– Your need to collect gossip could not be more obnoxious and transparent.

My child was hesitant to even tell me about your interrogation because she was afraid I’d never let her come back to your house. So, even she knew it wasn’t kosher, proving that a 9-yr-old’s moral compass was working better than that of a grown woman.

Now, you might be wondering why I am not discussing this personally with you and instead being passive aggressive AF. I really wanted to confront you about this. Like REALLY bad. There’s one reason and one only that I took this route…my kid likes your kid and wants to be friends with her and if I handle this with you face-to-face and say what I want to say, that will probably make things super awkward for everyone. Make no mistake, If I sound worked up and angry it’s because I am. I want to make YOU super uncomfortable because my kid came home super uncomfortable because of your little exchange.

So if you see this, just know that you should be ashamed of yourself. And I hope that instead of following your gross example of behavior and boundaries, your daughter takes notes from my kid instead, who handled herself like a lady. Like a boss.

Have a lovely weekend.

This is a guest blog by Rachel Sobel of the very funny Whine and Cheez – its. 

Living the NEW normal: Marriage, Baby, Divorce, Remarriage, another baby. In between navigating massive loads of laundry, cooking 32 different meals for picky eaters, doing ponytails over until they are perfect with “NO BUMPS, MOM!” and double-fisting iced coffee, she finds time to write all of it down. In addition to being a published author and writing her own blog, she’s a contributor for PopSugar and has work in ScaryMommy, The Huffington Post, Today Parents.Sometimes there’s sarcasm, sometimes there’s cursing but she always keeps it real. No filters or censorship, just a gal momming so hard and documenting it.




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