Dena Blizzard, One Funny Mother, Plays MOM GAMES
Dena Blizzard is not only the stand-up comedian mama called “One Funny Mother.” She’s also the inventor of the delightful wine board game, Chardonnay Go! On this week’s episode of MOM GAMES Sponsored by Piper Lou, we play Chardonnay Go with Dena. Watch the video or read the transcript below. We promise you’ll laugh out loud.
MOM GAMES is our weekly interactive broadcast (on Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram), where we play the “mom version” of party games with YOU! Viewers can play along in the comments to win cool merch from the online store we’re obsessed with, Piper Lou.
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Dena Blizzard, One Funny Mother, Plays Chardonnay Go MOM GAMES Sponsored by Piper Lou
Jen: Welcome to Mom Games, sponsored by Piper Lou Collection, where moms play games. It’s not for kids. So get your kids out of the room if they’re watching and you’re gonna play along with us. Oh, great. Everybody’s commenting that they can see and hear everyone. This is the first time we’ve done this that everyone can see in here everyone in the very beginning.
Dina: There are 72 people watching us!
Jen: Hello, okay, so we’re going to play a game, and it is called Chardonnay Go. It comes in this box, which looks like a wine bottle. And it is invented by tonight’s guest, who is One Funny Mother. That’s her actual name on all the things, Dena Blizzard. Hi, Dena, say hello.
Dena Blizzard: Hello! Nice to see everybody. This is nice to not be responsible for anything and just sit back and be like, “What’s up, ladies?” I’m usually by myself.
Jen: Yeah, so if all goes wrong, it’s my fault.
Dena: I don’t know how you talk by yourself all the time like that. I give you credit.
Dena Blizzard: Well, that’s the crazy part. It’s so weird that you guys are talking back. I’m like, “Oh, there are people on the other side.” Yeah, but I like it.
Embarrassment & A Village
Jen: We should tell everybody you go live like every frickin morning as your kids are getting ready and people watch, you’re in the kitchen and you just go live. Yeah, and a million people watch it.
Dina: I could never do that. My family would never go for that. But God bless yours.
Dena Blizzard: My family doesn’t go for it either. But they’re not up usually. They’re usually sleeping or have already left the building. I mean, the only one who is there is Dean.
Jen: I would be really afraid my family would embarrass me.
Dena Blizzard: Oh, definitely. Every day, every day it’s something. Dean never brushes his teeth. We have literally about 800 women every morning that tell Dean, “It’s time to brush your teeth.”
Dena Blizzard: It like pinches my face. No, that’s what I’m saying. But we make so much fun of him that he’s almost shamed into brushing his teeth. And that’s how you know you failed as a mother. When other moms have to shame your children.
Jen: I say it’s the whole “it takes a village” thing and you should just be happy.
Dena Blizzard: Is 800 a village or is it a small village or is it a very large graduating class?
Jen: I’ll take any kind of village I can get! We are sponsored tonight by Piper Lou. And if you don’t know them, they make all these crazy awesome things that say things as like my– see my own wine tumbler that says, “Oh balls.” Oh, and what’s your say, Dina?
Jen: Like the song.
Dena Blizzard: Let me see what mine says.
Dina: It says I have an empty glass of bourbon
Dena Blizzard: It does, Dina, how did you know?
Dina: I have no idea.
Jen: Well, if you need to get up and get more bourbon, we’re totally cool with that at any moment. And yeah, I think Dina Drew has fallen off the Instagram cam.
Dina: It keeps cutting me off Instagram. Instagram doesn’t like me.
Jen: Well try to get back on… If you don’t you don’t. Just know that we’ve got two “Denas” here, one with an I, one with an E. And they’re both live on Facebook. And one or more could be live on Instagram. Yeah. So Dena with an “E”. But “One Funny Mother” Dena, tell people sort of how you play Chardonnay Go?
Dena Blizzard: Ok, Chardonnay Go. Well, the first thing is you can have your favorite drink in your hand. It does not have to be alcoholic. So you can pick your favorite of something. I think I almost fell off of Instagram. So the way that you play it, it is a classic board game kind of like Candy Land and Dirty Charades put together.
Get Chardonnay Go Here
Dena Blizzard: So let me show you our game board. Starting down here at this barrel. And you are trying to make your way through here so you can get to the tasting room right there. Along the way, you might land on one of these barrels. If you land on one of the challenges, you’ll take a card from the Chardonnay pile and one of the Go cards and you have to perform them together. Exactly. And then if you land on any of the wine…we’ll call it “Wine Witch” squares, which is doesn’t say, “Witch”, it’s a different dirty word. But if you become the Wine Witch of the game then you get to wear a fancy necklace and fill everyone’s glass. Yeah, you have to refill everyone’s glass until a new Wine Witch is named. You’d be surprised women would fight over that necklace.
Jen: It’s like a Mardi Gras beads thing.
Dena Blizzard: I’m telling you that the whole thing is you’re basically everybody’s Wine Witch for the night. But women are like, I don’t know, I’d watch them get so mad. Gosh, when we developed the game, it was like, “Who’s the Wine Witch?” But everybody kept forgetting because they would just get drunk. And so they were just yelling at each other. They were like, “We need a necklace.” And that necklace was the most stolen part of our game.
Jen: Really? People steal this?
Dena Blizzard: When we go to like wine festival. Wine people. Oh, they loved it. They would steal it. We’d go to play the game and we’d look down and the Wine Witch necklace was gone. It’s very funny. So that’s it. So you’re basically trying to move your way through the board. Avoid becoming the Wine Witch. That’s the general gist of the game. There’s very little to know, just playing the game is awesome.
Jen: It’s very like a Candyland or Chutes and Ladders where you roll and you go to the spaces and you don’t need to know a lot of rules and stuff. You’re just gonna play.
Dena Blizzard: You’re just gonna play. There was a game when we started developing the game. There was a game on one of like the… because we did it through like, like where you can go and put your ideas up. And you know, whatever. There was another wine game. Oh, let me look at this. And the wine game was like “Name four red wines found in the hills and valleys of Rome.” I was like, “No. I don’t…” I want a game where there’s no thinking whatsoever.
Jen: And I want a game where it’s like, “Here’s a $5 coupon off Bota Box. Stock up.” Because that’s how fancy we can be.
Jen: Laura is saying “No knowledge needed.” You’re right. Oh, Laura stuffed a Turkey to cook all night. Good for you.
Dina: Cook all night? How do you cook the turkey all night?
Jen: She must use a slow roaster. She must be a slow roaster.
Dina: We do four or five hours for the 14 pounder for the four of us. I don’t know about all night.
Dena Blizzard: I know. There’s some kind of turkey math. I don’t even understand it. I stay out of it. My mom is doing turkey math tonight.
Jen: You’re so lucky. Yes. Okay, Jennifer and says, “more drinking and less thinking.” Yes. Yeah, by the way, I thought we could do it. And, Dena, tell me if you think this will work. Like we’ll each take a turn. And we’ll just choose as if we’ve got one of the challenges. We’ll choose a Go card and a Chardonnay Card. Yeah.
Dena Blizzard: Yes. That’s easier. So this game actually started out as a dice game. And it had like six sides, but they only give you 36 combinations. Then we’ve turned it into a card game. And then I was telling you earlier, one of my girlfriends was playing and she was like, “Am I winning? I can’t tell if I’m winning”. I was like, “We need a board.” And then that’s how we got the board involved. So yeah, we could just play with the cards. All right, let me get a shuffle.
Jen: Okay, let’s shuffle up our cards, ladies. Shannon says, “Games that require no thinking or skills are the best.” So here’s the thing, we’re gonna do these challenges. In the comments, you can either type something funny about how you would do the challenge, or if you’re really crazy, I don’t know, take a picture or video of yourself and put that in there. Somebody is going to win for the craziest one. And you’re going to win something from Piper Lou. Okay. My cards, my cards. Do I have to go first, because I’m in charge?
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, do it. Do it. Okay.
Jen: So I have a Chardonnay card and a go card. It says, “While drinking your wine using tiny T-Rex arms, named three slang words for sex.” How can you have tiny arms and drink at the same time? So get your kids out of the room because I’m drinking my wine with my tiny T-Rex arms. And I want to say like nookie? Ah, porking? Oh. Getting it on.
Dena Blizzard : Okay, all right. Does that work?
Jen: I win. It’s over.
Princesses and Queen
Dena Blizzard : Yeah, then we would move on to the next player. They would roll the dice, land somewhere. And then Dina, you’re up. Okay. What are your cards? You gotta pull one Chardonnay card and one Go Card.
Dina: Okay so while banging ” We Will Rock You” on the table name five Disney princesses. Okay.
Dena Blizzard: This is a little coordination
Dina: Moana. Snow White.
Jen: She can’t do it simultaneously!
Dina: Pocahontas! I can’t think of one– Little Mermaid Oh God,
Dena Blizzard: What is the first one? First one?
Dina: Oh Cinderella, Cinderella! Yes. That was bad.
Dina: I was trying to get in the groove there a little bit.
Dena Blizzard: No, it’s good.
Dina: It’s good. I have no coordination.
Funny Mothers with Dena Blizzard
Dena Blizzard: I haven’t played this game in a while. So let me see, “name three candies that start with the letter S while using your inside voice and staring at somebody at the table.” Snickers Skittles…. Come on, Starburst! Ah, you know, there’s a lot to this, that we took a lot of the partner ones out because there’s nobody sitting next to you. But these, there’s a lot of partner interactions. And whenever it involves somebody else in the game, it’s the funniest thing! So you know, when we were playing it a lot, we were developing the game, you can like watch what people were doing. And you can guess “Oh, I know what card they got.” Because you don’t really tell people what card you have.
Jen: Oh. You just do it.
Dena Blizzard: Not all the time. Okay, well anyway, so we had a lot of people playing the game and we would go watch it to see if things were working if the directions were right or not. Right? Well, there’s one card where you say you have to say something while laying an egg on the person on your right. While laying an egg on the person on your right.
Jen: While laying an egg?
Dena Blizzard and Laying Eggs
Dena Blizzard: Now this one normally looks something like…. people will get up and they’ll sit on the person to their right. And they’ll just kind of like that like almost like a poop, whatever.
Jen: Like you’re a chicken. Just …right.
Dena Blizzard: So we’re watching the game and all of a sudden one of the girls was like, “Get up” to this girl next to her “get up” and she said, “Sit on the floor.” Now there is like a leapfrog in this. There are some very physical parts of the game. So I’m thinking… maybe it’s a LeapFrog? And she says, “Stay right there.” Then she turns around and she gets her butt and starts rubbing it into the face of the girl she’s sitting on the everybody’s looking at us because we got like…. this is not one of our cards. We have no idea why she would… and we couldn’t stop laughing. What does your card say? She goes. “It says to lay an egg on the person on your right.” I’m like, “On their face? Lay an egg on their face?” Because it doesn’t!
Dina: Do you think they thought “laying an egg” meant farting???
Dena Blizzard: Maybe. I don’t know but she clearly thought it was supposed to be this person’s face. That person is laughing but it’s the way that people interpret the cards. Like I know pretty much what they all say and then people will do stuff that I don’t remember making. “The Put Your Butt in Somebody’s Face Card”?
Dina: Oh my god. That is so funny. Good times. Good times. She thinks it’s like an egg from your ovary…
Jen: I have to have surgery first to get this out.
Dina: Oh shit. That’s funny.
Shopping and Black Friday
Jen: So have you guys started shopping yet? Because Black Friday is in two days.
Dina: Oh god. What are you trying to do, depress me a little bit?
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, seriously, I can’t. I can’t get past the corn casserole. I don’t know what you’re saying. I’m in the middle of Key lime pie.
Dina: I’m still eating the Halloween candy. So don’t get me started.
Jen: I will never stop eating Halloween candy.
Dina: Oh, shoot.
Jen: So yeah, okay, Black Friday is in only two days. And I think, since COVID, people do a lot more shopping online because we like saw how awesome it is.
Dena Blizzard: I’m doing all my shopping online. Yeah. Here’s the problem though. And I think there is a workaround for this. This was even before the pandemic. I was getting a lot of my gifts on Amazon but all my kids buy everything on Amazon so they kept seeing what I was buying.
Jen: It’s the same account.
Dena Blizzard: There is a back way you could do it to make an account like a secret account within your own so your kids can’t see it.
Dina: There is?
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, because that’s what I’m doing because they started ruining Christmas, so
Santa and Christmas Spirits
Dina: Oh, well, my 10 year old just informed me he does not believe in Santa Claus any longer. So I was like, dude, okay, that’s cool. So I don’t have to pretend to be Santa. I don’t have to lay all the shit out at 11 o’clock. 12 o’clock at night? No, yeah. “Oh, no. We still want you to do that. We want to make it special.”
Dena Blizzard: No, there’s a Santa.
Jen: Mom is Santa. Yeah, you make the magic.
Dena Blizzard: Santa’s not gonna be happy to hear that.
Jen: Yeah, Santa wants to deliver. So speaking of Santa, I’m going to tell you a little bit more about the sponsor of tonight, which is PiperLouCollection.com. They are giving everybody buy one get one free with the code MOMCAVE. It’s unlimited. Buy one get one free code MOMCAVE. Somebody’s saying there’s weird background noise. They have like this special list that you get on and you get the Black Friday deals sooner, like you’re a VIP, and they’re up to 70% off. So if you want to join that list.
Dena Blizzard: Everybody on Instagram is saying that they can’t hear us.
Jen: I just tried something else. Can you guys on Instagram hear me now? Okay, that’s better. Right? It’s crazy. We’ve been figuring out this technology for weeks. Okay, so yeah, go check out Piper Lou. We showed… Oh, do we show our shirts yet?
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, what are your shirts?
Jen: Okay. This week? I have…. wait. “Son of a nutcracker!” From the movie “Elf.” What do you have on, Dina?
Dina: “I’m filled with the Christmas spirit. Wait, no, I meant vodka.”
Jen: And I know they have so many funny ones. Um, yeah, really cool. Check them out.
Dena Blizzard: I have pants on.
Jen: Good! You know when you do these things online, you don’t have to wear pants?
Dena Blizzard: That’s as far as I can take it. That’s as far as I can commit to. So…
Dina: So can we play? Can we play another couple of cards?
Jen: Yeah. Let’s do it. Okay, that’s my turn. Okay, “while wiggling your entire body name two birds that can’t fly.” Um, pterodactyl? Swan…. and Turkey? Right. Yeah. Okay, good. I’m done. Thank god. Okay.
Dina: I got, “Name three people you want to punch in the face, with your eyes crossed.”
Jen: Only three?
Dina: Yeah. And “speaking in a high voice.” Okay. Name three people I want to punch in the face. I wanna punch my husband and my daughter and….
Jen: You might as well name your son at this point.
Dena Blizzard: I don’t know why she’s doing that with her face. You can’t cross your eyes.
Dina: I know. I can’t. And I can’t…
Dena Blizzard: Look at your nose. Look at your nose.
Dina: Is that better?
Dena Blizzard: No, no, you gotta look up. Look here. Look, look at the bridge of you… stop. Here. There! Not really.
Dina: No, I can’t do it. I only named two people I want to punch in the face. So my husband, my daughter. And Dena for making this game. No, I’m kidding.
Jen: Me for making you do it? Yeah. Oh, somebody said turkeys can fly. Terry Cox is saying they can. Can they really? I never saw a turkey fly. If they can fly then how can they keep getting caught for Thanksgiving dinner?
Dena Blizzard: They’re not good runners. Alright, “while not moving your lips, name four things you lose after having kids.” You lose your mind. You lose your waistline. You lose joy. And you lose a tiny butt.
Dena Blizzard: A tiny butt. Remember when we all had tiny butts.
Dina: I never had a tiny ass. I always had a big Italian ass, a bubble butt. I had a bubble but. Oh yeah, just ask my husband. He’ll tell you. He loves my bubble butt!
Dena Blizzard: But in comparison, it was tinier than now. I mean that’s the point. It doesn’t matter.
Jen: Right. No matter how big your ass was before you had kids, it’s definitely bigger now.
Dena Blizzard: Definitely bigger now. In my mind, you know, that’s why I hate going to a store where… like I’ll be having a fine day and then I’ll go into a store to try on some clothes and they have the mirror in the front which I’m fine with but then they give you the tri-mirror and I see the back and I’m like, “Who is in here? Big butt!”
Because in my mind what’s back here is fabulous.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, like when did my mom come in and take her pants off?
Jen: We have a comment from Deb saying, “I lost my will to have a clean house.” And there was a whole great debate going on in the comments about whether or not turkeys can actually, in fact, fly. And we’re gonna have to look this up afterward. Is Wikipedia a source that we can quote or do we have to look somewhere else?
Dena Blizzard: No but you should. Now somebody just said according to WKRP in Cincinnati turkeys cannot fly. I just saw that clip. It was just on. It was a clip from WKRP which is such an old reference. A guy decided to drop turkeys from a plane– live turkeys– and was doing the reporting he was like, “Wow, we’re dropping live turkeys. Oh, alright. They’re not okay. Now. Now they’re just hurting people on the ground.” So use WKRP as a reference.
Jen: Because everything you see on old sitcoms from like the 70s and 80s is true.
Dena Blizzard: We’re basing it on Les Nessman. Definitely.
Jen: Yeah, good stuff. All right, everybody, go over and check out and join the VIP list to be on Black Friday for Piper Lou Collection and use our code MOMCAVE to buy one get one free unlimited. And now I think we should play one more round because this is so fun. Alright. Okay. All right. Here we go. “While pretending to melt out of your chair name five things only rich people have.” Options. Retirement accounts. Tuition money. That’s three, right? I’m still melting. To get the Botox because I want that. Can’t afford it.
Tuition money. Ah, that’s right. I’m still melting. Um, yeah. Two more, to get, to get the Botox because I want that. Can’t afford it. And, what do they call it? Canada Goose! Those coats that I can’t afford. Do you guys-
Dena Blizzard: Oh, are those the special coats that look like they work for the navy or something? But it’s the Canada coat.
Dina: Have you ever tried them on? Oh my god. They’re warm.
Jen: They were in Antarctica. Like scientists wear them in Antarctica.
Dena Blizzard : Yeah, I didn’t know what these were until, like two years ago. Oh, yeah. I had no idea. I thought were part of some type of government association.
Jen: Who are these government people?
Dena Blizzard: Like yeah, me. Yeah, just with great hair. And that fancy coat. I was like which part of the government do you work for?
Jen: Well, no. No, that’s rich people.
Dena Blizzard: Tell you what, so I just got a new dishwasher. Does either of you have a dishwasher with a third rack?
Dina: Yeah. I do.
Jen: No. My dishwasher is like 15 years old. It sucks.
Dena Blizzard: Dina is rich!
Dina: No, I just got expensive dishwasher taste. Third rack man.
Dina: Is it like this skinny little rack?
Dena Blizzard: On the top? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Jen: Only rich people have those, Dina. Yeah.
Dina: It’s a Bosch.
Jen: You’ve joined them. The same people that have those coats have the Bosch dishwashers.
Dena Blizzard : She’s one day away from getting her Canada coat. So when I saw them, I was like, I need to get a dishwasher. He was like, Well, none of them are in the country. You had to wait six months for the third rack. I don’t even know what you’re saying. I just he was like, “Listen, you can get an entry-level Bosch is still better than most of them. So just get that one.” And I said fine. So he says “Now you’re not going to get all the other features that the upper end has.” And I was like … “The feature of washing the dishes? That is that’s really the only feature.” I’m like, I don’t know what all the other buttons do. It’s too much for me. But that’s it right there. That’s how you can tell. Yeah.
Dina: Does yours have the little red light when you close it? It tells you it’s going because it’s so quiet. Mine doesn’t have the buttons on the face. It has on the top.
Dena Blizzard: Oh, I don’t have that.
Dina: So then when you close it, it’s just like a plain silver front. Yeah, there’s a little red light on the floor.
Dena Blizzard: Oh, yeah, mine’s real trashy– buttons on the front. Oh, my. People are gonna comment and be like, “I thought Dena was a nice person. But now I see this front button dishwasher….”
Dina: Yeah, but see, here’s the thing. There are only a few things I splurge on and the dishwasher is one of them because I run that bitch three times a day.
Dena Blizzard: I know I get it. Yeah, I guess Yeah.
Jen: Things that make the little differences in your day. But yeah, no, no, but that’s okay I don’t have a Canada Goose coat or a Bosch dishwasher. Okay, whose turn is it? With the cards? I think it’s Dina.
Teenagers (Dina Drew Duva AND Dena Blizzard have teenagers!)
Dina: “While whining like a teenager, name three things you can take away from kids as punishment.” Whoo. Oh, you got to take my cell phone? And oh my god, like don’t take my PS4. And oh, by the way, um, definitely, definitely don’t take my TV. Okay. Oh, that’s my whiny teenager.
Dena Blizzard: Why is it so right on, how you do it?
Dina: Cuz I got a whiny teenager.
Jen: Yeah, she hears this on the daily.
Dina: Because no, I’m officially I’m not a mom anymore. I am an Uber driver. I’m an Uber driver. That’s all I do. I drive people around. And now the and now the person I drive in the Uber has made her–you’ve gone through this, Dena– she passed her driving written test and now is harassing me for the driving lessons. And I’m having a timeout. Oh, yeah. I was… I’m in denial.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, no, no, I got between the test and the actual driver’s test, I got your hands aren’t at 10 and 2, you didn’t put your blinker on 50 yards before that-
Dina: Right yes, yeah. And yeah and Nancy, they don’t tip. I wish they did but they don’t.
Jen: They tip with their love that they don’t really show you because they’re moody teenagers.
Dena Blizzard: Love. Oh, no. Okay, no. So let’s Alright, so mine says, “While trying to get everybody to look at your butt, name four names for vagina. One… Va-jay-jay! Coochie. My lady parts. I don’t know what’s the fourth name for it.
Dina: A hoo-ha?.
Dena Blizzard: Thank you, ladies. Let me get back in my seat. Hold on. Okay.
Jen: This is an awesome game. You guys. You need to play it. She actually invented this idea. She’s awesome. And I wish we should just make this a regular thing playing Chardonnay Go. Um, this is Mom Games. We are sponsored by Piper Lou Collection. Dena Blizzard is One Funny Mother. Tell them where they can find you and follow you and all the things, Dena.
Dena Blizzard: You can follow me at every anything that says One Funny Mother. You can get Chardonnay Go at onefunnymotherstore.com. And yeah, that’s it. And we’re around every morning at 745 ish. Unless it’s a holiday, which is tomorrow, which means whatever time I wake up, okay, I’ll go live. Not helpful. Yeah, not helpful.
Jen: All right, I’m gonna, I’m gonna like pop in tomorrow when you’re live and tell you if the turkeys fly or not after I do my research, okay, good.
Dena Blizzard: That’s, that’s fair. For sure. Okay, okay.
Jen: And we are Jen and Dina from MomCave or MomCave TV on Facebook and Instagram and all the places and TikTok and MomCaveTV.com. You want to check out PiperLouCollection.com because black Friday’s in two days and if you get on their email list, you get special discounts and they have awesome things and unlimited buy one get one free with code MOMCAVE. So I have my “Oh balls” cup. And I’ve had so much fun playing Chardonnay Go with you guys. Can we please do this again?
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, thanks for having me. This was lovely. I’m here every time Yeah, go finish my Key lime pie.
Dina: Fancy, fancy someone’s bougie with the pie.
Jen: I’m gonna go load my poor person’s dishwasher now, Dena.
Dena Blizzard: Yeah, yeah, I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. Yeah, we don’t know.
Jen: All right love you guys. See ya.