Confessions of an Illiterate Sports Wife

non sports wife

You know that one sports wife who blurts out stats like nobody’s business and analyzes each play like a pro?  You know her! The one who is so knowledgeable about the game that she could be on TV commentating?  That one.

Yeah, well I am here to tell you that I am NOT her.

I am so far from her that I’m pretty sure my husband and kids cringe at the idea of me even being in the room when people are all hyped up about a game.

Ironically though, there have always been people in my life who were affiliated with the professional sports world – either by being a pro athlete, by being related to someone who is or by working in that world.  The funny part is that I never seek this out.  It just kind of finds me. 

A lot of people would think this is totally cool, but it never phased me. Probably because the truth is I know squat about sports.  I’m not exaggerating.  Yes, I enjoy going to a live sporting event.  I like the action, the people, the fun but ask me about a play or what I think about a team and I would have to plead the illiterate sports wife fifth.

I’m not alone because my BFF is in the same boat and while she may know a tad more than me, she would rather be shopping than at a game any day!

It can get a bit tricky at times though because my husband’s life has always been about sports. He is all hockey all the time.  He’s played since he was six, traveled all over the country playing and went on to play semi-pro.  He still plays and his job is in hockey too, both on and off the ice.  To make matters worse, he is good at every sport and is super knowledgeable.  So, being a sports guru’s wife can catch me off guard at times. After all these years, I should know something – anything.

But I have a confession…

I don’t even try.  You see there are certain advantages to being sports ignorant.  Here are a few in case you’re taking notes:

◊I have a short attention span for most things. So when I walk out of an arena to check out the scenery, when the score is tied with 1 minute to go – it’s fine.

◊It keeps my marriage fresh. When my husband is talking about what happened at a game, it’s like hearing about it for the first time.  “What’s a hat trick again?”

◊I don’t have to partake in sports-related party conversations with people I don’t care for.  I just keep an ear out for someone talking about their latest TV binge and off I go. No worries.

◊Here’s a humdinger – I am not a beer fan. There I said it! I don’t want to drink beer and eat a 1,000 calorie dirty water dog.  I know this is a sports faux pas but I get a pass.

◊The pièce de résistance is when my friends are complaining about the 3 TVs in their living room, having to make chili every Sunday or getting all pissed off about losing a game, I chuckle.  And I chuckle loudly.  It’s expected of me.

So ladies, if you are sports knowledgeable, more power to you. But if you ever need a break and want to come over to the dark side, you too can pick a team based on their colors.  It’s totally acceptable.  I swear.

non sports wife




Joelene Wolfe

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