On Halloween, This Mom was Hung Like a Dino

I used to be sexy on Halloween. Not Basic Sexy, like “sexy nurse” or “sexy mouse”, but Creative Sexy. At least I thought so. Instead of Little Orphan Annie I would be Little WHOREphan Annie, showing a lot of leg and whatever cleavage I could muster. One year I was White Trash, dressed in a short tight white dress with white garbage like tissues and styrofoam cups and un-used tampons pasted all over it. You get the idea: something clever […]

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Potty Party | Episode of POTTY MOUTH Mom Web Series

Potty training is the weirdest, isn’t it? You buy books and read up on methods, you let your kids run around naked from the waist down and pee all over the floor, you reward them with candy when they poop on cue in the right receptacle… and that’s just the regular stuff. Depending on your personality and how desperate you are to achieve the goal, it gets much more bizarre. Twin Peaks level, even. My mother asserts that I was […]

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Tampon Tale | POTTY MOUTH Mom Web Series

The other day, I was enjoying some delightful outdoor time in Bryant Park with my 4-year-old in what we called “Goldilocks weather”, when I coughed and realized that I needed to change my tampon immediately. If you are a man and have no idea what I’m talking about, ask the nearest female. Or just use your imagination, and trust me that it’s probably worse than what you’re picturing. Anyway, we were right near the New York City public library, which […]

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The Heads Up.. or how parents now have to inform each other when they go to the bathroom | POTTY MOUTH

My husband and I have a hard time remembering certain details of our lives before our son was born. We remember big differences, like how instead of being woken on a Saturday morning at 5:45 by a demand for Rescuebots and apple juice, we used to sleep in on weekends and wake each other up with morning sex and then nap some more and finally venture out for a boozy brunch at 1PM. Or how, instead of painstakingly preparing a […]

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You Will Never Again Poop Alone | POTTY MOUTH

When you are pregnant, there is a long list of things that people tell you to ENJOY NOW. Sleep, fine dining, movies, travel, sex, sleep. But you know what no one ever said to me? “Enjoy the chance to poop alone because once that baby comes, forget about it.” Since becoming a mother, I have found myself in countless unimaginable circumstances. No one tells you that nursing an infant while taking a crap might be a regular occurrence and that […]

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Fun Mama Video Series: POTTY MOUTH

Introducing the most hilarious, relatable, and intimate video series all about… potty talk. Mama Ellie gets real from her bathroom about all things potty in our new web series, “Potty Mouth.” I love talking about bodily functions. It’s my favorite topic and I never get bored of it. When I’m with a new friend and I take the risk of bringing up something really gross, and they nod knowingly, confirming that it has also happened to them, I know we […]

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Are YOU Having a Christmas Baby? Read this!

One of the most annoying things about my pregnancy was that whenever I told people my son was due to be born on December 20th , they all had the same weak response: “Oh my God! What if you end up having a Christmas baby? That would be the best present EVER!” This irritated me, but I’m sure I politely smiled the way all pregnant women do when others offer their unsolicited thoughts on birth plans or breastfeeding, or say things […]

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Mystery Solved! What’s with all the pee on the seat of public restrooms??

  If you have ever spent time in a public restroom intended for females, you know that they are inexplicably disgusting. The degree of grossness ranges from pee on the seat to a bowlful of un-flushed feces to soiled sanitary napkins on the floor. It boggles the mind of a typical bathroom-goer like me who manages to put everything where it is supposed to go as well as dispose of the evidence in the appropriate receptacle. I am not ashamed […]

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How To Get Boys To Pee Standing Up

I have been a parent for almost four years, and so far the experience is a never-ending process of working on something. Working on sleep training, working on potty training, working on NOT telling Grandma “I hate you and I wish you would go back to Florida”. (Any tips on that last one are more than welcome. That’s why there’s a comments section below.) But I never thought I’d lose sleep Googling, “how to get boys to pee standing up.” […]

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