Mommy Confession: 10 Real Reasons Why I’m Staying Home
I was talking to a friend. She was telling me how she needed to find a way to tell someone she was going to cancel their meetup because she just didn’t want to be bothered. She said she was going use her daughter as an excuse and knew her childless friend would make a comment about how moms always back out due to their kids.
That got me thinking. 1. Yes, we back out due to our kids because they’re our kids dammit. We can’t just abandon them to entertain you for a couple of hours. 2. When a mom stays home it’s not always because of her kids. It’s because we just honestly don’t want to look at your face. It’s nothing personal.
That got me thinking about all the times I’ve cancelled on meeting up with folks and used my kids as an excuse when really it was one of these 10 very real reasons:
I have to put on a bra
If you want me to go out then you need to catch me before I take my bra off. Because if I take my bra off then it’s pretty much a fact that I’m not going back out. Especially if I’ve been lounging all day without one on.
It starts too early
I’m not a morning person. I always found it unnatural getting up before 10am. And since having kids you’d think I would’ve adjusted to getting up early. I have not. This being the case, if I’m struggling to get the kids to drop off every morning do you think I’m gonna get up to hang out? Nah, son. Count me out for breakfast, but DO call me for brunch.
It starts too late
I am a woman over a certain age who is at a point in my life where by 8pm I’m ready to call it a damn night. I’m not going anywhere at a time I should be packing up to come home. If I’m not already at the event by 6pm, guess what? I ain’t going.
It’s too damn far
I live in Brooklyn and depending on how I feel I’ll refuse to travel any higher than 23rd Street in Manhattan. That’s about a 40 minute train ride with one transfer. If my destination is farther than that, I’m not going. The hassle is too much. I just want to get there quick and get back home just as quickly.
I don’t wanna ride the train
You have to be in good mental state to even ride the New York City trains. The whole time you’re dressing you have to worry if the train is running properly? Will I have to stand? Do I have to take more than one train? Is it on the east or west side? It’s enough to make me say screw it and stay home.
No food or wine
I’m not coming out of my house if I suspect there isn’t going be food or wine. Which is why I always ask before committing myself if there will be food and wine. It may seem crass to ask but I make it known if neither one of these things are present then you can pretty much count me out.
If I have to drive and know there’s a chance I’m going to waste a half a tank of gas circling for a parking spot, I’m staying home. I refuse to pay $30+ for a garage because that’s ridiculous. If I can only go after 7pm for free street parking then I’m staying home, cause again, I need to get ready for bed by 8pm.
I have to get dressed up
A full face of make-up and fancy clothes? Yeah, no. Unless I can wear yoga pants, tee and my Keds then I’m most assuredly staying in the house. You’d think since I look like a slob 98% of the time I would look forward to dressing up. I don’t. I like going to places where “moderately presentable” is the dress code.
Kids are expensive so I don’t have the extra disposable funds I used to have to go out to eat 3 weekends a month. We’re broke and got to save my money for college and cases of boxed wine.
There I said it. It’s hard as hell being a mom. So there are times I don’t want to hang out. So instead of traveling and spending money I’ll stay my ass in the house wrapped in my Snuggie, eating Lean Pockets while watching Netflix.
So what WILL make me show up? A local event with food and wine starting after 11am but not after 8pm, that doesn’t require me to get overly dressed up, that will take less than 35 minutes by train to get there or 20 minutes by car with decent parking. If that’s what you have in mind, count me in!
Oh, and when I arrive don’t say shit to me about being late. I’m aware of it and here are some reasons why I’m last to stroll in.
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