Boy Mom | #LifewithBoys | Why I’m Glad to Have Only Boys
Welcome our new contributor, Tiffany from #LifewithBoys! Here’s her first post.
From the moment the ultrasound of my youngest son showed a penis, people have been asking me when I was going to try again for a daughter. As if they expected me to immediately evict baby boy number two from my uterus so that I could replace him with someone who had a vagina. Each time I get asked that question, I politely smile and reply that we only wanted two kids and are finished having children. If they push the subject, I’ll make a joke about how if I got pregnant again it would just end up being twin boys. The secret I hide is that if I could be guaranteed that it would be twin boys or even just one boy, I might agree to have more children. I don’t want to get pregnant again because I don’t want a daughter. I’m a boy mom. And I live #LifewithBoys.
That’s right, I really just said that I don’t want a daughter. I have no desire to buy princess dresses, be a ballet mom, or play with pretty toy ponies. My heart doesn’t break at the thought of never being the mother of a bridezilla or not having a miniature version of myself to call my best friend. I have a best friend and she is fabulous. I don’t feel the need to replace her with my own offspring. Especially since that offspring would most likely spend most of her junior high years telling me how much she hated me and most of high school pretending that she liked me so I will let her do what she wants.
I love both of my boys. Yes, they are stinky. They are rough and tumble and are constantly breaking things and fighting. They fart all the time. They hate to wear pants. I’m pretty sure something dies daily in their socks. And they somehow manage to pee on the wall. (THE WALL???) But I wouldn’t trade them for all of the little princesses in the world. I like being the only princess in my house. None of the reasons people give me for why I need a girl child seem appealing to me at all.
It might be selfish, but I like that I always get the one pink donut with the sprinkles and ALL of the pink Starbursts. My boys hate pink. They leave my computer, cell phone, and ear buds alone because they are all pink. Do you know what else I don’t have to share? My clothes, shoes, and make-up. I listen to my friends complain that their daughters take their stuff without asking and frequently ruin it. My teenage son has never wandered into my closet to steal my Jimmy Choo’s. He doesn’t go into my bathroom and spray my expensive perfume everywhere and use up all of my favorite lip gloss.
Actually, he doesn’t go in my bathroom at all. Because I’m the only girl in my house, I have my own Girl’s Only bathroom. The three males in my house share a bathroom. It’s filled with all of their guy stuff and I think they only put the toilet seat down if we have company. I listen to them fight over who used the last razor and who put who’s toothbrush in their butt cheeks. I have my own luxurious bathroom. The toilet is always sparkling clean and no one messes with my pink razors or my pink toothbrush. I have a whirlpool tub that I frequently relax in while I watch The Real Housewives of Whatever and drink champagne. If I had a daughter, she would want to use the Girl’s Only bathroom. She would probably want to decorate it in a gross Disney Princess theme and she would shave her Barbie’s heads with my precious pink razor. She would invade my one and only sanctuary.
People tell me I need a daughter so that I have someone to do things with. They must think that I am so pathetic that no one else wants to hang out with me. The truth is that I already have three handsome guys who love to take me on dates. It doesn’t matter what I want to do, they are always willing to do it with me. So I don’t need to give birth to a child with a vagina just to finally get a social life and have a reason to leave the house. Girls and boys have a different relationship with their mothers. A girl would strive to be my equal. My boys have always put me on a pedestal. They strive to be their father’s equal and they watch their father treat me like a lady, so they do the same thing. I like being treated like I am special and if I had a daughter I would have to share that special treatment with her. We have already established that I don’t like to share.
If I had a daughter she would be needy and whiny and want everyone to pay attention to her. (Because she would be my mini me right?) She would want to dance with her Daddy in the kitchen, she would want to sit between her older brothers at the movie theater, and she would want to eat the only pink donut and at least half of MY freaking pink Starbursts. Basically, she would go all Single White Female on me, stealing my life one moment at a time and I would most likely resent her for it.
The truth is, someday I will have to share. My boys will grow up, get married, and I will get the daughters I never wanted. Until then, I’m going to enjoy my role as princess of the family. Boy children rule and girl children are not welcome anywhere near MY bathroom or MY pink donut.