What To Expect When Expecting vs REALITY

What to Expect

I don’t know about you, but when I was expecting my first child I had a very clear picture of what it would be like. From the pregnancy to the birth, breastfeeding and bouncing back, I was sure II have it all covered. Five years down the line and three kids later, I can now say: HA! Joke was totally on me because the reality was nothing like what I had expected.

The Pregnancy:

Everyone always talks about ‘the glow’ of pregnancy, you know – that sexy, beautiful super healthy skin and hair myth. However, the reality was nothing like what I had expected. From the backaches to the crying for no reason, I’m still looking for ‘the glow’ people promised me!

The Birth:

I was all set on having a super natural birth, no medications, no drugs, all natural… 10 cm later and 24 hours of labour and there was just one thing coming out of my mouth: GIVE ME THE DRUGS! 

The Breastfeeding:

I was totally set on breastfeeding and was prepared for eating super healthy so that my milk would be BEST. what can I say? I guess I love junk food too much…

Bouncing Back:

I thought this would be easy. All I needed to do was work out when the baby was asleep. Yeah, right, 5 years later I’m still waiting to ‘bounce back’.  

So, if you are expecting and want to know what’s REALLY coming your way, have a look at this video which will give you a pretty good idea!

What to Expect

 

 

Target White Wine Taste Test |Hobbs & Hayworth on MomCave

Target White Wine Taste Test

Are you the kind of mom who buys both her clothing and her wine from Target? Can you tell a Sofia from a Fancy Pants?  Hobbs & Hayworth are back with a TARGET white wine taste test. The comedic duo selected three of “Tar-jay’s” finest vintages to sample. It’s possible they may have just chosen them by the looks of their pretty bottles. See how Harmony and Audrey did at identifying the different types of grapes.

And comment below with the name of your favorite cheap affordable white wine!

Target White Wine Taste Test | Hobbs & Hayworth

If you enjoyed this video, check out all of the Hobbs & Hayworth episodes. And don’t forget to subscribe to MomCave, so you never miss a video.

The three wines in this video are:

Sofia Riesling, Fancy Pants Pinot Grigio, Lindeman’s Chardonnay-Riesling

Target White Wine Taste Test

6 Reasons Why I love C-Sections

operating-room-1442366

When I tell people how much I love cesarean births I usually get looks ranging from shocked to confused. Sometimes I think people believe I say it for “shock value”. But, I’m not. I love c-sections. I think they’re the greatest thing since boxed wine and here’s why:

It’s A Planned Birth

I love c-sections

For my second child I didn’t want to walk around those last days of my pregnancy (which move at the speed of a sloth) wondering if that day would be the day I had a baby. I decided to take matters into my own hands by coordinating a day around my family’s schedule and proclaiming it baby’s birthday! With my first pregnancy I was overdue by a week and spent 24 hours in an induced labor, which led me to have an emergency c-section. I knew I would never do that again and having the option to plan my second birth was music to my ears. 

No Stress and Anxiety

The closer I get to giving birth the more stress and anxiety I began to feel. With my first pregnancy I obsessed over when my water would break, how much water would there be, what would that pain feel like and how much pain would I feel before my baby arrived. It consumed me. But with my planned c-section for the second go-round there wasn’t any of that. I was even calm for my first. I knew exactly what was going to happen which left me feeling cool as a cucumber.

No Labor Pain

With my first, the physical sensations of labor were what could only be described as probably the worst type of period cramping. I felt everything. The epidural was not working on me. But that’s not the case with c-sections. I got something called a spinal anesthesia. It makes you completely numb from the neck down. Which, in my opinion, is exactly how childbirth should be. 

No Pushing

Giving birth is like..... .

This pretty much speaks for itself. With all of the modern medicine we have at our disposal, I would never choose labor pains and pushing when I don’t have to. 

They’re Quick

I don’t have the patience to wait for nature to take its course when it comes to labor and delivery. When I was induced for my first pregnancy I was in bed for 24 hours with no sign of my daughter showing up, which is why I needed the emergency c-section. It took less than an hour to get prepped, Sierra removed from my womb and to get stitched up. To me that is a whole lot better than laying in a hospital bed seemingly forever angry, sweating and cussing.

Longer Hospital Stays

When you have children at home and you’re preparing for the birth of another nothing will look sweeter to you than a 4 day stay at your local hospital. That’s two extra days longer than having a vaginal birth. Who’s in a rush to get home? Not I. I told family and friends to stay home so that I can treat my four days like a mini getaway. The stay allowed me enjoy the peacefulness I knew I wouldn’t get at home. It also let me focus on the start of my recovery and bond with my baby without people hovering over me.

Why I love c-sections MomCaveTV.com

 

Becoming My Mother. It’s Official.

becoming my mother

Becoming my mother?

I remember thinking, “There is no way in hell that I will turn into my Mother.” At 21, I was young, smart, and fancy-free. Now, at 35 years old, it is official….I am not just becoming my mother. I have completely turned into my mother. I wear a bathrobe. I rarely put on pants. I carry my dog around like a child. I have several snotty tissues in my pockets at all times, and I steal silverware from restaurants. After having three kids and growing up, I can’t remember why I wanted to avoid turning into my mother. I have a good Mom. She has a bit of a Goodwill addiction and steals Sweet n Low packets like the price of saccharin has has skyrocketed to unimaginable prices. Still, I am proud to be just like my mom. Check out my video and tell me how you are turning into your mother. Circle of life baby, Circle of life.

 

Becoming My Mother

Dinner Party for Slackers | Slacker Mom’s Guide to Dinner Parties

Dinner Party for Slackers Slacker Mom MomCave

Dinner Party photo2I love to host dinner parties, but I really don’t like doing all the work. My husband is this huge foodie. I make a gourmet meal almost every day. To be honest, I like to eat well, and he does do his fair share of the cooking, but after a while, I’m over it! (Especially when he NEVER does the dishes, even when he cooks.) So over my many years of entertaining…

I have come up with a few tips and tricks to pull off an outstanding spread, while making my guests do the heavy lifting. Call it a dinner party for slackers.

  1. Take advantage of the “What can I bring question.”  As soon as the invite comes out of my mouth, my potential dinner guest will ask, “What can I bring?” Always be really humble in your response. “Oh, no need to bring anything. Just yourself.” People really don’t want to do that, especially when you’re coming across so nice. “No, seriously. What can I bring?” And I’ll say, “Ok then, just a bottle of wine or some dessert.” And 9 times out of 10, they bring both!

  2. Compliment them on their cooking. Whenever I visit a friend or relative and taste one of their dishes, especially one that’s REALLY GOOD, I always make a BIG fuss. “Oh, this spinach artichoke dip is amazing! Can you send me the recipe?” “Your cheesecake is so creamy, how do you do it?” I lay it on so thick, that they CAN’T WAIT to bring it over to my place! ”Oh, what can I bring?” (And I give them the whole “you don’t have to bring anything ploy.”) They always say,” Oh, I remember how much you liked my spinach dip. I’ll bring that.” Works every time!

  3. Find the best prepared food you can and pass it off as your own. There is this bakery down the street with from me that makes the best sausage and pepperoni breads. I reheat it, slice it and serve it with leftover homemade tomato sauce. (The one I made for my foodie husband.) When people ask you for the recipe for the breads tell them you found it on Pinterest, and that the sauce came from a jar. They’ll go home and try to do it themselves and fail miserably, which will only cement your amazing home cook rep. But only do this with guests who are bad cooks, so you don’t have to go to their house to eat because,you should…

  4. Have good food, but not AMAZING food or you won’t get return invites! Early on in my dinner party career, I made the mistake of cooking gourmet meals for EVERYONE, no matter who came over. We also have a garden. Farm to table is the norm in our house. For the longest time, we would have friends over for dinner, but the invitation was never returned, and then a close friend confided in me. “I can’t have you guys over to my place, we only do hot dogs and burgers.” So I nipped it in the bud! What’s the point of cooking for people, if they won’t cook for you in return?

  5. Serve LOTS of alcohol! When you get your guests drunk, they’re a lot more fun, and they don’t taste anything, so you can give them your gourmet leftovers, and they won’t know the difference.

Dinner Party for Slackers Slacker Mom MomCave

Annoying Things Single People Say To Parents

Annoying Things Single People Say to Parents MomCave

I don’t know about you, but I find some of the things my single friends say to me very…. annoying! It’s kind of impressive that I still have single friends to start with, I mean – since becoming a mom I’ve hardly been the ‘party animal’ I used to be. (Don’t laugh! I used to be wild back in the day, I swear.) But that does not mean I don’t enjoy hanging out with my friends who are still living it up, single, free and with NO KIDS! 

HOWEVER, every time I meet up with my fabulous friends, they always seem to say the exact thing no parent ever wants to hear. “You look tired”, “I haven’t seen you in ages, what have you been doing in the past three years”? 

I’ve been having kids and basically slowly losing my mind, how’s your life going? Ha! 

So that’s why I’ve made this short video, because I think my single friends need to know that some of the things they say to parents can be really annoying.

I do hope I still have single friends after they watch this! Enjoy…

 

Annoying Things Single People Say to Parents

 

Annoying Things Single People Say to Parents MomCave

Father’s Day Gift | What My Husband Isn’t Getting For Father’s Day…

fathers day gift momcave

Once again, Father’s Day has completely snuck up on me. Yeah, yeah, I know it comes the second Sunday in June every year. But, see, I’m too busy being a MOTHER to have time to remember such things. So, I scramble yet again to find a meaningful, useful, and CHEAP Father’s Day gift for my husband.

What I know he really wants…. A blowjob.

But Father’s Day is in JUNE. When school is out and kids are home. Wait until they nap? Ha, ha. That’s funny. Kids napping. Wait until they are in bed? I’m too wrecked at that point to do anything other than pass out myself. Oh, and I’m currently eight months pregnant. So, if by some miracle, we do find a few moments of privacy, there’s no position that this aching large-bellied body will contort into that is conducive to mouth to genital contact.

What he wants… An iPad.

He’s too polite to come out and ask for one directly but he has been hinting. He works long hours and travels most of the time to support our family. I’m the one that manages the monthly budget. And there are a lot of things that need to get paid before I do any shopping at The Apple Store. Like, oh, doctor’s bills and car loans. And if he did own an iPad, it’s lifetime would be cut short as soon as juice was spilled on it while my son gets to level two-zillion of Angry Birds.

What he wants… A membership to a monthly massage club.

One has just opened up in our neighborhood. First of all, see: the primary reason he isn’t getting an iPad. Secondly, I can give him massages for free at home. (Except I don’t… because I’m too tired and pregnant.)

What he wants… A day off work, family time, and me to be happy.

THAT I can do. As a mostly-traveling dad, he really values the few times we do something as a family. Even if that’s weeding the yard followed by a pizza. And it really bothers him to see me uncomfortable from this new bun in the oven and stressed out over money or schedules. He’s a great dad. And so we’ll spend the day telling him so, joking around, and having a care-free time. Because that’s what is so rare around here.

What are you getting YOUR husband for Father’s Day?

Father's Day Gift MomCave

 

*This post originally appeared on NotSoSkinnyMom.com

10 Things I Said I Would Never Do as a Parent

Things I Said I Would Never Do as a Parent MomCave

 

Being a parent is super easy if you aren’t one. Wait, what? Well, before I had kids, I was great at giving advice about parenting. If I could go back in time, I would slap Pre-parenting me and set the record straight. This is the hardest job on the face of the earth. I said a lot of things prior to being a Mom.

Here are 10 of the things I said I would never do as a parent.

1. Give my kids Junk Food: I was going to make my own baby food. I was going to be 100% natural. I tried. I really did, but that policy was just too strict for my house. I have found myself in the check out line at the grocery store with three screaming kids, right next to the Snickers bars and Kit-Kats on a weekly basis, and 50% of the time, I give in. Not proud, just honest.

2. Give in to a crying baby: I am a firm believer in “Crying it out”, it is just much easier said than done. I would put my first child down in his crib and sit at the door and cry as he cried. I would wait until my husband left the hallway to run in and check on him. It did get easier to let the others cry it out, but that was mostly because I was just too damn busy doing other crap to go in and check on them.

3. Be the last one at pickup: I remember always be the last kid to get picked up from school or sports practice. It was so embarrassing. I always thought that my parents “forgot” me. I never really thought about the fact that they were super busy and they got me as soon as they could. I have actually been on my way home and gotten a call that both my husband and I “forgot” to pick up our son. Talk about turning a shade red, I was so embarrassed. We had miss-communicated and he was the last one to be picked up from daycare. Guess what, he survived, and so did I.

4. Let my kids sleep in my bed: I said over and over again that kids in the bed was a bad idea. I was not going to share my space with the kids. I would get up and walk them back into their beds. NOT A REALITY. At 2am, I was not about to drag my tired ass out of bed to put them back in their own bed. I have managed to survive 9 years of children in my bed, so I guess it worked out in the end.

5. Let my kids eat school lunch: I always hated school lunch. I ate it almost every day as a kid. When I was older I packed my own lunch. I was going to be the Mom who packed everyone’s lunch every day and made sure to pack a napkin with a love note on it. I am lucky if they are sent with lunch three days a week, and the love note may or may not be my wadded up snotty tissue from my bathrobe pocket.

6. Bribe my kids to listen to me: I felt that bribes were the lowest form of parenting. Well, I must currently dwell in Hell because I bribe on a daily basis. “Did you clean your room? No Dessert if you don’t clean your room, and it’s ice cream tonight.” I am too tired to read the proper parenting book to get the job done, so I will bribe my a$$ off to gain ground each day.

7. Yell and Scream like a lunatic: I grew up in a household of screamers. Everyone yelled at everyone for everything. I am not a fan of yelling. I do however lose my “Mommy sh*t” at least once a day. It is bound to happen with three kids, and I try to keep it at a level that will not cause future therapy visits. Although, I am sure I will be paying for that as well.

8. Sweat the small stuff: I was going to be a proactive parent who cared about the big picture. I wanted to always focus on what really mattered. It’s amazing how fast the walls close in when you are in the trenches of parenting. I know this sounds dramatic, but the daily grind can wear you down, and the small stuff becomes a mountain before you know it. For example, keeping the house clean. It seems like a small task, but it is daunting. I finished cleaning my house one day only to find myself face to face with a turd on the couch. After spending two hours cleaning, it was a bit devastating to find a fresh turd on the couch. Sh*t really does happen.

9. Give in to their demands: I have been known to have a bit of a rough exterior. I believe that you work for your things and it is not beneficial to have them given to you. I want to make sure my kids know the value of hard work. At the same time I can’t seem to walk out of a store without buying something for each kid, almost every time We go out, and it is so hard to say “No” to three repeating parrots who continue to squawk until you whisper scream “Fine, put it in the cart and be quiet.”

10. Drive a Mini-Van: I was going to be the cool Mom who held tightly to class and sophistication. Bawahahaahhaha. That lasted about 10 minutes. To be honest, I love my mini-van. It is super awesome and it doubles as a super sweet party van on the weekends. Me and six of my closest friends can bar hop all night in that sexy ride. So in the end, I do a ton of stuff I admittedly said I would never do. I do it to survive. I do it to remain sane. I do it because life happens. Don’t beat yourself up for the choice you make to keep your family moving.

Remain calm and parent on my friends. Meredith is a work-from-home mother of three who writes about the inappropriate side of marriage and motherhood on her blog at That’s Inappropriate. Follow her on Facebook YouTube and Twitter.

10 Things..I Said I'd Never DoAs a Parent

Sneaky Ways to Relax (Naked Time?!?)

Sneaky Ways to Relax MomCave moms

I live in a world of boys. I have 2 sons, a step-son, my husband, my ex-husband,and a male dog. My days are filled with fighting, flatulence, food preparation and looking for my glasses. Being a blogger, I am constantly online reading, finding the hot topics of the day, new research that shows WHY wine and chocolate lead to longer lives (that would be the longer lives of the men in my life, because those 2 things keep me sane) and those studies that tell me how I’m doing everything wrong.

By the end of the day, I’m beat; my hair is a mess, I’ve lost my cool more than once and I have dinner remnants on my finding pants*. I decided all those articles about how moms need to find time for themselves, so they can be the BEST for their children had some merit. And so I spent serious time, figuring out ways to carve out ME time and relax. I’m nothing if not diligent and determined, so I was going to find ways to relax if it killed me!

Here are my top 4 sneaky ways to relax:

Mommy’s Naked Time: My boys know if my door is closed, they have to knock and wait for me to say it’s ok to come in, just in case I’m naked. They’re both at an age where they do NOT want to see Mommy naked, so I decided to start closing my door on the weekend for 30 mins or so. When they knock (which they do, oh how they knock) I tell them I’m naked. I read my book and eat the good chocolate that I hide in my bra drawer (they’ll never look in there!) and enjoy my naked time.

Laundry Watch: I’ve done a disservice to my future daughter in laws but in my defense, this NEEDED to be done. I plan to reveal the truth when they are 15 and 10 but not before then. I’ve told my boys that our washer and dryer are top-of-the-line energy savers, that require someone physically there during the washing and drying process to “push the energy saving buttons.” They both think this is the worst possible torture – having to sit in the laundry room – so they leave me alone. This avoids me possibly asking them to, “cover my watch.” I have a stash of cookies, a nice bottle of red and my fancy wine glass, magazines and a folding chair. I keep the door closed (not for naked time) and relish in my hidey hole. Then I make them fold the laundry because I’m really tired from being on watch.

SPIDERS!: My boys are typical boys; farting, burping, fighting, eating and they stink a little (no matter how often they shower). But when it comes to spiders, my boys will scream and run, flail their arms and sometimes, if it’s big enough, cry. We have a deck out back with a great view. I like to sit out there in the sun and I don’t want to hear ALL ABOUT HALO and POKEMON the whole time. Solution: spiders! I came running in screaming one day (because there really was a spider and hey, where do think my boys learned it) and told them there was the biggest spider ever out there on the deck. My husband killed it (I love him so much) and since then, my boys will not step foot on our deck. I spend a LOT of time out there because, I told them, I have outgrown my fear of spiders. God forbid I ever see one out there again but so far, safe.

Foot Rubs: I love nothing more than a good foot rub. Since I haven’t won the lottery and can’t hire a full-time foot rubber, I devised a sneaky way to get my boys to do it. They love their video games. So, I instituted, “Hands-on Gaming.” They earn gaming time for hands-on time – on my feet! I’m not mean, so I make it worthwhile. For every 5 minutes of foot rubbing, they get 15 minutes of gaming time. The first time my teen rubbed my feet, it was the best 2.34 seconds ever. He’s gotten better, has more stamina and I find it’s a great way to bond. Plus, creating good foot rubbers, might make up for the laundry issue with my future daughter in laws.

I’m sure I could just yell at my boys to go away, or be the good mother who sits them down and explains that Mommy time is vital and could they please respect my time and occupy themselves (ok, that one made me choke on my coffee a little) but I choose this way. I’m sneaky and sure I’m doing it all wrong but hey, I’m relaxed in my wrongness and therefor, delivering the best possible ME to my children.

Someday, when they have kids and are pushing the laundry buttons or hanging out with spiders, they WILL thank me. I’ll take my thanks in the form of a foot rub please.

*Finding pants look very much like yoga pants but c’mon, yoga? Ha! I do spend all my time in them “finding” things; my glasses, my son’s “thing,” the dog’s toy, my coffee cup. Finding pants.

Sneaky Ways to Relax MomCave moms

This Father’s Day Give Your Man The Gift Of You | Mom Boudoir Photo Shoot

Father's Day Mom Boudoir Photo Shoot MomCave

Father’s day in my home has always been about golfing or fishing. 10 years ago my husband made me a Mom and I made him a Dad. On my first Mother’s day, my husband bought me a piece of jewelry that I ended up having to return because money was so tight. He wanted so badly to give me a gift, but the budget wouldn’t allow it. Over the years, these holidays revolved around our own parents and their celebrations, and less about us as parents.

This past Mother’s day I decided that I was going to ask for something very specific. I asked that my husband focus on the things that I really wanted. I wanted the day off. That’s right. I wanted the day off from cooking, cleaning, and doing the dishes. I wanted my children to ask my husband anytime they needed something. I wanted some peace and quiet, oh yes, and a mimosa 🙂 My husband was a fantastic sport, and he gave me exactly what I asked for. He even put on something pretty for me while he vacuumed the play room carpet.

A few weeks back I asked my husband what he really wanted for Father’s day. He said, “I want the same thing I want every day. I want you.” I giggled and said, “I thought you wanted to go golfing.” He said, “Well, I want that too.” It made me think about how hectic our lives are and how at the end of each day, he crawls into bed, and he still wants me. By the end of most days, I look like a character out of The Walking Dead. My hair is a mess, I am still in my robe, and I have enough luggage under my eyes for an around the world vacation. Yet, he still wants me.

So this Father’s day I have decided to give him just that. I hope you enjoy this video and my guess is that your man wants the same thing mine does, to see more of you!

Head to the Boudoir for Father’s Day | Mom Boudoir Photo Shoot

Father's Day Mom Boudoir Photo Shoot MomCave