11 Types Of Married Sex

Types Sex Still

Sex is great. If you are married you will probably agree that sex has changed since you got married. If you have kids, you will probably agree that married sex changed once again after the joyful arrival of your blessings. Here are 11 types of sex that people who are “married with children” have.

11 Types of “Married with children” Sex

  1. “Shower” Sex: It’s not steamy, hot, sudsy, porn shower sex. It’s more like; “Hey, we have ten minutes and I don’t want to have to shower again today, so you do want to do it?” shower sex. You most likely end of smacking your head into the shower door or wall, and at least once during the sex a kid will knock on the bathroom door and ask, “Why are you both in there?”

  2. “Hotel” Sex: Oh yeah. Married people love Hotel sex, but not for the reason your thinking. Hotel sex means you are away from your kids and there will be no interruptions. Which in turn means after the five minutes the sex takes, you can take a 3 hour uninterrupted nap. That’s right, a sexy nap that will leave you completely satisfied.

  3. “Are you serious?” Sex: This type of sex usually occurs when one person is in the mood and the other one just wants to go to bed. In my case it usually starts with my husband pretending to rub my back. Some how he gets confused and rubs my breasts thinking they are my shoulder blades (In his defense I have very small breasts.). This usually prompts me to say, “Are you serious?” which usually ends with, “It will only take 5 minutes.”

  4. “Roll over on your side” Sex: This one might just be me, but when I am in the middle of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and my husband has an urge, I will be a good sport and roll over, but I always roll towards the T.V. I don’t want to miss anything. Plus, Dr. Avery is a delightful milk chocolate treat that like a Hersey bar always leaves me satisfied.

  5. “I’m just kidding unless you’re serious” Sex: Married sex can be exciting. You can ask your partner about their fantasies and what gets their engine all revved up. Most of the time people say things to find out what type of reaction they are going to receive. So when your wife jokes about buying a vibrator and says, “I’m just kidding, unless you think it’s a good idea” buy her a vibrator. Buy a bunch of stuff. Sex is fun and you’ve got to spice it up to keep it interesting and exciting.

  6. “10 Minutes until they get home” Sex: This usually occurs when the grandparents or someone has the kids but they are on there way home. You meant to have sex earlier, but the laundry and dishes got in the way. So you do what you have to do and get the sex and shower completed in record time.

  7. “Did you fall asleep?” Sex: When are children are young, we have many sleepless nights. I am currently living in a constant state of exhaustion and my youngest is 5 yrs. old. I am not sure if or when I will wake from the fog, but I do know that there is a possibility that I promised my husband sex and instead I fell asleep. If your husband is like mine, he will wake you up and collect on the promise.

  8. “I’ve had a box of wine” Sex: Raising kids and working is stressful. On the weekends it’s nice to relax and have a drink. Sometimes those drink turns into a bottle. When that happens, you can count on some fun drunk sex. This usually involves playful chasing and potentially a spanking. It definitely ends with an “I can’t believe I drank that much” hangover in the morning.

  9. “Did the doorknob just turn?” Sex: The fear is always there. Is tonight going to be the night that one of the kid’s walks in and find Daddy wrapping Mommy up into a figure eight wrestling move? It seems that you are always listening to hear little footsteps and the turn of the doorknob. It will happen. At some point they will get an eye full and the questions will ensue. Lock the door people. Lock the door.

  10. “OMG! We cannot have another baby!” Sex: I know all about this kind of sex. Life is going great. You feel like you are on top of your game, and BOOM! You get drunk at the company Christmas party and end up having unprotected couch sex and waking up saying, “We cannot have another baby. I am done having babies.” 9 months later, I had baby number 3. Six weeks after baby number 3 I had a tubal ligation. Which leads to the final kind of sex.

  11. “I got fixed!” Sex: This is by far the best kind of sex. No condoms, no worries, just freedom. If you or your husband got fixed, you are free to have sex anytime and potentially anywhere you want. But don’t get too excited. You are still married and have kids so you options for when and where are limited. An empty bounce house at a children birthday party is not a great option. Be smart now that you no longer have to be safe.

So relax and know that your sex life is just fine if you have any or all of these types of sex. Kids, jobs, and exhaustion can get in the way of romance and roses. Do it when you can, as often as you can, and remember that you picked your spouse for a reason. I am hopeful that one day we can have loud, crazy, and naked all over the house sex.

This article was originally published on Suburban Misfit Mom.

Cool New Baby Gear | Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower

Us MomCavers get to attend a lot of fun baby and kid themed events. One of our favorites is the Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower.

There are seminars, 100 different vendors to explore, and pampering in the form of manicures and massages.

Here are a few of our favorite discoveries from this year’s event.

MomCave’s Faves from the Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower


An app that turns your Instagram, Facebook, or mobile phone photos into super-easy gorgeous photo books for only $8. Use discount code “MOMFORCE” for to get your first book FREE.



HAPP Diaper Bags

I’m kind of a sucker for a diaper bag that still leaves a mama with a sense of style. Here’s a new favorite.

HAPP diaper bag big city moms biggest baby shower momcave

Posh Play

Gorgeous play mats, bibs, and changing pads. 

Posh Play Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower MomCave



Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower MomCave Jen



What’s New in Baby Products | MomCave at the New York Baby Show

What's new in baby products? MomCave at the New York Baby Show

At the New York Baby Show, even a seasoned mom can discover baby and child products she never knew she needed, but now can’t live without. MomCave’s Jen (with two children in tow) attended the largest trade show of baby and children’s products in the country and gives us her picks for what’s new in baby products.

To all you first-time moms out there, let me preface this post by saying that there is very little you actually need for a new baby. Put aside the long lists of things retailers “suggest” you register for and take a moment to breathe. Newborns need diapers, a safe place to sleep, and a way to eat. That’s about it. (Look for a post from us on the only baby products you ever need soon.) But needing and wanting are two very different things. I may need a way to carry all my crap around but I want a new Orla Kiely diaper bag.  See the difference?

But if you love to shop like me, the New York Baby show is THE place to go to find what’s new in baby products each year. Held at New York City’s Pier 92, the show features 140 top brands and hosts thousands of new and expecting parents each year.  And for us mama bloggers, there is an amazing blogger lounge hosted by our pals at MomTrends.


Here’s what got me excited this year:

Our family does a lot of traveling. And with a 10 month old and a five year old, we tend to lug strollers and car seats around. I found two new products at the baby show that make travel a lot less cumbersome.

The Doona CarSeat Stroller

Doona Car Seat Stroller MomCave New York Baby Show


It’s the only car seat with integrated wheels, allowing you to travel easily with one item. It’s great for taxis and certified for air travel. And I WANT ONE.


GB Pocket Stroller

Have you ever seen a stroller that can fold this tiny?


Petit Coulou Winter Stroller Cover

Petit Coulou Winter Stroller Cover MomCave New York Baby Show


Because I’m tired of blankets falling off the stroller and getting run over…

J-Chews Baby Smartphone Baby Teether

J Chews Smartphone Baby Teether MomCave Baby Gear New York Baby Show

Any chance my baby will stop chewing on my actual iPhone??

Evenflo  Feeding Advance Double Electric Breast Pump

Evenflo Feeding Breastpump MomCave New York Baby Show
Evenflo’s Elise and MomCave’s littlest one at the New York Baby Show.

A couple of years ago, I met some of the mamas from Evenflo Feeding at the New York Baby Show, and we became instant mom-buds. They sent me their Double Electric Breastpump to try and it’s become one of my go-to working mom products. I’ve tried quite a few pumps and this one works as well as the leading pumps, but costs about a third of the price! 

What's new in baby products? MomCave at the New York Baby Show



15 Reasons Why I’m Always Late

always late

I’m late everywhere I go. Always. 

It never seems to fail, no matter how much earlier I begin to get ready the end result usually is, I’m late. It’s to the point that people expect it. Despite popular belief I DO aim to be on time. But, there are obstacles that almost always get in the way of allowing that to happen.

These are 15 Reasons Why I’m Always Late:

I’m Not An Early Riser

animation disney cartoon princess morning

You know those people who wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I’m quite the opposite. I wake up cranky and want to do nothing more than to put the covers back over my head. I’ve always felt it was unnatural for anyone to have feet on the floor before 11am. I resist getting up for as long as possible.

Debating If I Go Or Not

veep thinking hmm selina meyer hbo

Now that I have feet on the floor the next question is, do I feel like going? I weigh the pro’s and con’s down to a couple of hours before I have to walk out the door. One would almost think that I wasn’t going to go. But there are times when I have to, so I gotta suck it up.

I Can’t Find Anything To Wear

clueless stacey dash dionne davenport 90s fashion

I wish I had Cher’s issue of having too many choices. My problem is, I have too FEW choices. Most of my clothes have some sort of stain I received from one of my children that never washed out fully. Now I have to spend at least 30 minutes trying to pair something together I hope I haven’t been seen in within the last month.

My Eyebrows Aren’t On Fleek

TV Land shocked makeup surprised teachers

I haven’t had eyebrows since the early 90’s due to the fact I constantly shaved them off.  My mom tried to warn me. But what do moms know.  Now I’m subjected to drawing these suckers on, and let me tell you it’s not as easy as you think.  I’ve been late, or worst case just stayed home if my brows weren’t drawn on right.

It’s A Bad Hair Day

taylor swift bad hair day

Nothing is worse than thinking you’re going to style your hair one way, when secretly your hair has another idea in mind. So now I’ve wasted 20 minutes fighting with it when I could’ve just put a hat on. 

I Have To Poop

Poo~Pourri poopourri toilet bowl

Why is that when you’ve got your shoes on and you’re looking for your keys you suddenly realize that you have to take a poop? Really bowels? I mean, you had all day to expel yourself why now?

Which leads to the next reason.

Someone Else Is Using The Bathroom

Why when I’m ready to use the bathroom that’s when everyone else wants to use the bathroom? So here I am dancing around like something out of Riverdance waiting for someone who’s in no rush to be done.

Kids Are Suddenly Hungry

hungry child tantrum cranky

You’re hungry now? Really? I mean, either they just ate or when I asked them a little while ago (when I had the time) if they were hungry and they both told me, no. So instead of walking out the door I have to quickly make something because of course they don’t want the sitter or their father to make it. 

When The Kids Realize They Aren’t Going With Me

tantrum temper tantrum throwing a fit

Now that I’m finally ready to walk out the door they promptly stop mid chew and have fits because they can’t go with me. So now I have to get down to their level and reassure them that I am coming back and if they let me go I’ll bring them a gift when I get back. That usually zips their lips and gets them off me.

Of course I don’t come back with any gifts. Sorry. Not sorry.

I Missed The Train

cinemagraph train nyc

A couple of factors can occur here. I could have just missed the train because I wasn’t fast enough to make it or I missed it while I was refilling my Metrocard. I hardly use the damn thing because I have a car so I never remember if I have money on it or not. And because I live on the G line another train won’t be seen for 10 minutes.

Train Delays

When the train finally arrives I think I’ll be okay. Not two stops later I find myself sitting in the tunnel between stations due to train traffic ahead. LIES! What traffic? The last train left 10 minutes ago. Now claustrophobia and anger sets in which puts me on the brink of I’m screaming. I shake my head and think to myself, “I shoulda drove.”

New York City Traffic

Speaking of driving, unless you live in New York City or L.A. don’t talk to me about traffic. Despite my judgement there is never a time when I can get from Brooklyn into Manhattan in less than 30 minutes during normal business hours. Traffic in all directions sits at a standstill. The elderly couple with their cane can walk faster than my car is moving. And if that isn’t enough I still have to hunt for a park cause I refuse to pay $35 to park for a 2 hour event. So yeah, I “shoulda” took the train.

You see the vicious cycle?

I’m Lost


It doesn’t matter if I drive or take the train there are times when I can get lost in my own city. (Oh, like that’s never happened to you before.) If I drive the GPS will take me the long way making me even more confused about where I’m supposed to be or if I train it and don’t take the right exit I can end up blocks away from my destination. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have used the “walk” option on my GPS to get me around the corner.

Finally my destin…oooh food! 

I’m Hungry

food new girl hungry yay i love food

After all that, I’ve finally made it to where I need to be only for my stomach to loudly announce she’s hungry. Now I can tell my stomach to shut up and keep walking in order to avoid too much ridicule for being late. Or I can look at my watch determine that I’m already late, note that the line isn’t too long and think it’s totally worth me stopping. I 8 out of 10 will choose the latter. Yes, I will stuff food in my purse to munch on later. Hey listen, I do what I have to. I’ve attended functions where the food wasn’t up to par. A girl has to be prepared.

And lastly…

I’m Just A Procrastinator

3 You'll Get To It Soon

They say knowing is half the battle. Well I know I’m a procrastinator. Always have been. I mean, why do something now when I can (un)happily do it later on…or tomorrow…or next week.

always late


Eating During Labor | Is it okay to eat during labor? New episode of BLABBERMOM |

eating during labor momcave momcavetv starving during labor birth

Did your hospital or midwife allow eating during labor? Most of us MomCavers weren’t allowed to eat once we arrived at the hospital. The reasoning behind this (barbaric, in our opinion) practice is that in an emergency, general anesthesia may be used and any food eaten could aspirate into the lungs. While this may be a concern in very rare cases, most laboring moms are doing the most physically demanding work of their lives and could use some sustenance.

Last fall, the American Society of Anesthesiologists put out a press release calling for an end to the ban on eating during labor.  They argue that aspiration is nearly nonexistent today and laboring women could use the nutrition.

The research suggests that the energy and caloric demands of laboring women are similar to those of marathon runners, Harty said. Without adequate nutrition, women’s bodies will begin to use fat as an energy source, increasing acidity of the blood in the mother and infant, potentially reducing uterine contractions and leading to longer labor and lower health scores in newborns. Additionally, the studies suggest that fasting can cause emotional stress, potentially moving blood away from the uterus and placenta, lengthening labor and contributing to distress of the fetus.  

In our webseries Blabbermom, we talk to real life moms and capture some of their funniest parenting moments. In this brand new episode, our friend Valerie of MommyRandR.com has a funny story about eating during labor.

Eating During Labor… or not?


Were you “allowed” to eat during labor? Did you cheat? Tell us in the comments below. And if you liked this video, please subscribe.

eating during labor

Movie Review: Mother’s Day Movie

Mother's Day Movie MomCave Valisa

I’m a huge movie buff. My husband is as well. But there are only a limited amount of ‘chick flicks’ my husband can take. Judging from the trailer, he decided Mother’s Day did not make the cut.

So when I was invited by Stroller in the City to a special screening of Garry Marshall’s new film Mother’s Day,  I was super excited.

Mother's Day Movie MomCave Valisa
Valisa takes in “Mother’s Day.”

Not only did I get to kick back with free popcorn and slurp on a cherry ICEE in the company of a great group of moms, we all got to go home with the ‘mother of all’ swag bags. This #SITCcelebratesMothersDay event hooked us up with two complimentary Fandango tickets, a Fandango coffee mug and sunglasses, a bag of delicious individually wrapped Lindt_Chocolate Lindor Truffles (which I’m addicted to now… thanks) and a $50 gift card to Cornelia Spa at The Surrey.

Mother’s Day Movie Review by MomCave’s Valisa

As for the film, while it may not take home any awards, I thought it was simply a cute collection of vignettes played by a star-studded cast. It was entertaining. The equivalent to a celebrity rag mag or a page-turner, beach read. I laughed at the funny parts (and there were a lot), I rolled my eyes at the silly parts that didn’t work. But most of all, I had a fun night out doing what I love… going to the movies. It’s always a bonus when a blooper reel rolls during the credits. Super fun!

Mother's Day movie MomCave


Mother’s Day Sucks

Mothers DayMother’s Day sucks. There, I said it! I fully admit it. It shouldn’t. I’m the proud and lucky mom of two great kids, a girl, 10, and a boy, 4. They are my life, my joy, and I couldn’t imagine my world without them. But see, I belong to this club, the one that no one ever wants to be a part of.

 I’m a card-carrying member of the “my mother is dead and it sucks club.”

There are many of us, and aside from that first few days of grief that most allow us, no one cares. No one gets it, except us “lucky” ones. I should be excited that the flowers are blooming and my family wants to take me out to a really expensive brunch, buy me flowers and fuss over me for a few hours (NOT ALL DAY just a few hours.) But the month of May rolls around and all I can think is, here we go again. 

My mother died six years ago this coming June 5th. Mother’s Day brunch was the LAST big event I spent with my mom. She had breast cancer and it was stage 4, but her doctors at the time called her a lifer – someone who could live many more years with the disease as long as it was managed with the proper meds. We all bought this line of bull because this story kept her in a positive frame of mind. I always knew in the back of my mind that this wasn’t the case, but I kept up the story too – for her, for those around us. But I never thought, never dreamed, that THAT Mother’s Day brunch would be the last one. Do we ever really stop to think, oh this may be the last time I see a person?  No. We take it all for granted. You just assume there is going to be another.

Mom, GrandmaWhen she did go downhill physically, it went REALLY fast. Shortly after that Mother’s Day, she fell and had to go to the hospital. Three weeks later she was gone. Memorial Day weekend is a hard one too, because every year I mentally relive those last days. Her in her hospital room, just slipping. Nothing we could do but wait for her to go. Some days, I forget she’s gone. For a split second I’ll think, oh, I should call my mom, and then remember I can’t. It never goes away, this emptiness. You just sort of get used to it. Like you do a scar on your knee or the wrinkles under your eyes. They’re there and you can try to cover them up, treat them with creams, wish them away, but they’re here to stay.

Once Mother’s day, Memorial Day, and the anniversary of her death passes, I kind of go back into my normal mode. I don’t relive it as much. I don’t dwell as much. But it’s always there. As a mom to young children, it’s hard to have them grow up without, “Grandma.” My daughter was only 4 when she died and my son never met her. He never met her. That’s so hard for me to think about sometimes.

Mother's Day momCave dina

When a friend or acquaintance starts complaining about their mom, I nod my head and listen. But part of me wants to slap them! How dare they take her for granted! Don’t they know how lucky they are to have her around to complain about? But they don’t get it. They’re not a part of “THE CLUB.” I wish they could be more GRATEFUL for what they do have.

Then I think about how I need to be GRATEFUL. Grateful that I had her and knew her, that she loved me and I her, that she was my first and best friend, and that she helped me to be the mom I am today. And then I think back to this coming Mother’s Day and how I need to be grateful for my kids and honor them. Someday they’ll be in the club too, hopefully not as soon as I was. I hope to be 95 and have them complain about me to their friends. I want them to remember our Mother’s Day’s together and feel good about them. Even if it IS the hardest day of the year for me.

Mother's Day sucks grief loss death MomCave



Cleaning Hacks for Slackers | SLACKER MOM’S Guide to Housekeeping

Cleaning Hacks for Slackers Slacker Mom's Guide to Housekeeping MomCave

Last minute playdate with a sancti-mommy? Surprise visit from your mother-in-law? Never fear. SLACKER MOM is back with a brand-new episode.  In this video, we share our cleaning hacks, some serious and some… not so much. Because you’re already keeping tiny humans alive. Who has time to clean?

 Cleaning Hacks for Slackers | SLACKER MOM’S Guide to Housekeeping

See all the SLACKER MOM videos, here. Remember to hit the red “subscribe” button, so you never miss one. 

And check out these cleaning hacks from some of the internet’s funniest moms:

  • Pour water on floor. Give kids towels. Voila! Clean floor. –Jen Simon, Writer

  • Make your kids do it all.  Use chores as consequences. This was my BEST idea yet. Anytime one of my kids gets in trouble, I simply add another chore to their chore list. I ran out of ‘currency’ a while back and thought oh yeah… that’ll do. It’s not perfect, and the house will never be spotless but I’m lazy, so it’s good enough. -Christine, The Mom Cafe

  • I use my wet towel that I used on my hair after a shower to “dust” the dressers in my bedroom and wipe out the bathroom sink. -Sara, Motherfluff

  • When in doubt, throw it out. These days, our house looks pretty bare. In the play area, we only have books and a box with building blocks. That’s about it. Cleaning still isn’t fun, but at least it’s not so frustrating anymore. When we get overwhelmed again, we give or throw away more things. Because the truth is, the less stuff you have, the faster you’ll be done putting it all away. -Olga, The European Mama

  • Insisting you meet company outside at the park so you don’t have to worry about cleaning. -Eileen, Autism with a Side of Fries

Cleaning Hacks for Slackers Slacker Mom's Guide to Housekeeping MomCave

Stressed Moms: What’s the Most Ridiculous Thing YOU Did?

Stressed Moms MomCave

Stressed moms was our theme for this week’s MomCave LIVE with the hilarious viral video creator Deva Dalporto. (She made a 21 Pilots parody video called “Stressed Out Mom.”)

We asked some of the funniest moms on the internet to share their most ridiculous moments under stress. Read their hilarious stories below.

Stressed Moms Share Their OMG Moments

–Dumped a bag with a poop diaper in the washing machine instead of the bag of baby clothes. Didn’t notice until my sister opened the washing machine when it was done and yelled “WHO PUT POOP IN THE WASHER?????”  Alexa from LosetheCape.com

–Snatched a jack-o-lantern out of my two kids’ hands as they fought over it, hoisted it over my head and smashed it down on the concrete while yelling, “raarrrrhhhhggggghhhh!!!!!”.
I later apologized but they had been fighting all day and it felt so good to just smash something to smithereens. -Hannah from sKIDmarking.com

–I was so absolutely pissed at my kids for fighting that I slammed my own damn iPhone down on a table and smashed it. Apparently stress makes me dumb. -Jenny from the Happy Hausfrau

–Threw all the LEGO’s on the floor from the containers. I don’t handle stress well sometimes. I felt like David Lee Roth in his Van Halen heydays. -Nancy from The Mama Maven

–I washed a paper plate before! I was rushing to clean up to get out the door and I forgot that I gave them paper plates so I wouldn’t have to wash dishes. -Valerie from MommyRandR

–While trying to multitask, I’ve breastfed the same twin twice in a row. On a few occasions. Took her off the boob when she finished, went and did something else quickly, then was supposed to switch babies but totally forgot and put the same one back on the boob. Whoops. She didn’t protest… -Heather from US Japan Fam

Stressed Mom MomCave

–Went through the drive thru. Paid at the first window and forgot to stop at the second window for my food. -Shari from Beyond the Ordinary Life

–I brushed my teeth with Neosporin,  thinking it was toothpaste. -Monica from Marino Bambinos

–I brushed mine with Desitin! -Stella from Fab Gab Blog

–This weekend I nearly burned down the house. A dishrag fell inside of the oven while on and I didn’t realize it until I opened the oven to place something in it. -Kim from Beauty and the Bump

–On a late conference call when my youngest was a baby and crying for milk, I made her bottle and then shoved it in my then 6 year olds mouth -Nicole from Bronx Mama

–I started screaming frantically because I couldn’t find Grace while walking down Hollywood Blvd. My brother and my husband were asking why I was screaming. I was blaming my husband for losing the kid, turns out she was on my back in the carrier. Asleep. -Gemarla from The Mommy Elf

–Put eggs in the microwave, let’s just say they explode after a few minutes of cooking.-Kristin from My Strange Family

–Left the back door open for a long time at night and a bat came inside the house – broke about 2 vases from our wedding that night trying to catch this bat. -Maria from The New York Mom

Share YOUR most stressed out  moments and comment below.



“Stressed Out Mom” Deva Dalporto | MomCave LIVE Guest! | 21 Pilots Parody by MyLifeSuckers

stressed out mom parody deva

Dear Fellow Stressed Out Mom,

If there’s one mom you should be following online, it’s Deva Dalporto of My LifeSuckers. She’s the creator of brilliant viral mom parodies that have been featured on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, ABC, Fox News, Yahoo, and more. You may remember her as one of our first MomCave LIVE guests, where we discussed her viral video for “Let it Go” and how stressed out moms should learn to do just that.

stressed out mom parody deva

Since then she’s made a ton of other amazing videos. Like pee in your pants funny ones! And her latest music parody is genius. Check out her “Stressed Out Mom 21 Pilots Parody” here.

Deva is our guest on this week’s MomCave LIVE! Watch it below.

This episode’s giveaway is wine themed! Watch the video to learn all about it and enter below. You know you need to.

Stressed Out Mom Deva Dalporto on MomCave LIVE 

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe on YouTube and iTunes for more!


Mama Wine Glass Giveaway from MomCaveTV

stressed out moms deva mylifesuckers momcave